Would That I Might

While I am still puzzling through what it is that I see happening in my work lately, I am stuck by the consideration of a certain irony, one that is not original to my thinking, but which I don't believe I truly understand before.  This is to do with the idea of voice, and with many of the ideas I have been discussing recently, and is fairly simple to explain.  In my recent experiences, I found how difficult it is to escape one's voice, even when handicapped by found material, or otherwise limited in a way that would seem to stifle that quality, it still remains.  It is impossible to get away from it.  Of course, as a writer, particularly as a poet, my goal is to go past what I can do, and to expand my voice, in a deep sense, but that becomes a contradiction, of course, when one cannot escape that aspect of identity. So, in a certain sense, a writer is a prisoner of their voice and can never get beyond it, but within that, when one really discovers it, their is a l...

I am still in a strange place.  On one hand, I am experiencing a sort of shift in my work that is very promising, that seems to be moving me towards a deeper and more challenging area of work, at the same time, the energy of my creative inspiration is a bit flagging at the moment.  So, I am simultaneously in a very creative mind frame, and yet lacking in the energy to fulfill the potential of those ideas.  I am still, of course, writing my daily poems, and feel that I have done some good work today.  Even in writing some pieces that were intended to be quota fillers, I felt that I achieved a bit more than I have in many similar circumstances previously. In particular, the last poem I wrote was one of that variety that I often describe as plate spinning, just writing about the process of writing in some way, to at least keep moving.  The poem that I wrote tonight, while it falls into that category, I am thinking that it is something else, as well, and it is cer...

I am still feeling quite excited about my work and the progress I've been making in the past few weeks, but I am also beginning to reach that point where my creative energy, or at least my inspiration, begins to flag a bit.  I'm faltering slightly, in terms of the ideas for new works, but I am still keeping myself going at the same rate, with four poems a day as the minimum.  Often, I am finding them harder to begin, and some are just whims of the moment, in a way that is not always successful.  Of course, my judgement of the work is often suspect.  I have poems I like a great deal that are not seen as particularly great by others, and poems that I am told are exceptional which I had not considered as special.  That is to say, I am not the audience and cannot predict the results of the work.  That is not the truth of the thing, at least not entirely, as it is not as though I am some savant who can't understand the language I am writing, I do have a grasp of...

There is a conflict that arises at times like this, when I feel that I am discovering something new in my writing life.  On one hand, I feel incredible, and that I am doing something amazing and daring, but, as well, I fear that I am not writing it properly.  Of course, that fear is natural, a result of doing work that is new and daring, a necessary part of learning and discovery.  Yet, even knowing this, I feel very much both an elation and a deflation at the same time. To offer a specific example, I wrote a poem today that I think may be very good, but I am afraid that it is possibly terrible in a particular way.  I think it might well be that I am wrong about that, but I am afraid to show it to anyone, for fear that it really is that bad, even though the people I would share it with are supportive and know my work already.  If anything, they might feel that it is off, but they wouldn't judge me by it, I don't think.  But, still, a part of me is not wa...

I feel quite good about my work today.  I think that much of what I was considering last night is still working through my writing at the moment, and it seems like it may be taking me to new places.  It is really great to feel that I have so much to learn, right now, that I am able to go a far greater distance with the work than I had conceived before. The thing is, it is, of course, natural, when you learn about a thing and study it for a long while, and especially when you have a talent in that area, to feel that you are at a certain point and wonder, even if only implicitly, how much farther you can go in some ways.  That is not to say I didn't feel I could become a better writer, but more that I felt that I had the big stuff in place, that I might have certain limits to the kind of writing I did which it wouldn't be worth pressing.  But, then, something clicks, and suddenly I feel that I am in a new space, where there is a lot more to discover and learn. At t...

I feel that I am coming to some new places in my work today.  In some ways, at least.  The two poems I wrote this evening, for example, felt to be in somewhat different mode than much of what I write.  They seemed inside of something, in a way, or maybe closer to the emotional aspects.  Many of my poems carry a certain distance to them, a separation that is maintained through a cold perspective that does not feel invested in the events.  These pieces did something else, and I found it very interesting.  I'm not sure that they are particularly valuable, in the end, but they seem important as movements towards a new space for my work. These pieces seemed to blend some of the surreal aspects of other poems with a sense of being inside a particular, though not entirely elucidated, world.  I think I was approaching this in some of my previous work, but I felt that something snapped into place here, and I am very excited by it.  In a way, it feels lik...

Last night, after posting on here, I wound up writing another poem.  It was at a far later hour, and was something that occurred because a friend was visiting and I was sitting waiting for him to get done with some personal business.  I was bored, so I pulled open a new document and drafted a poem.  It has been a long time since I did anything like that, in a way. I mean, I am writing each day, a lot, as regular readers know.  My current average is at four poems a day, and that is great.  But, last night, it was just a moment stolen when I could get a bit more done, and it felt wonderful in a different way.  Having the ritual and practice of writing has granted me a lot, and I am certain that the connection to the work that came spontaneously last night is a result of that, but I am aware that their are times when I need to just let myself feel the desire to write, even if I am in the midst of some other activity.  I mean that I need to be open to th...

I am still in that processing phase at the moment, though I feel that I am getting close to some new ideas that may have to do with pushing my work into further areas.  I've had certain poems in the back of my mind that really want to come, but I am not sure about how to make them work yet, but today I came closer with some of those ideas.  I certainly was writing around some of them.  I think part of it is attempting to say things clearly that are complex and somewhat strange.  Some of it has to do with considering the world from new perspectives, both for myself and in terms of ideas I want to express.  Another aspect is to do with expanding my range in terms of the kinds of things I am writing. In terms of that latter, I mean that I think I am beginning to be able to see ways to go into new areas with the kinds of surreal fables that I like to tell.  I have an idea for a poem that is about shoes which falls into that area, but have not yet tackled it, ...

Another four new poems, today, and I feel quite happy about them.  I am finding that the poems tend to be aiming in certain personal directions, and also meditating on larger topics, and I would like to go back to some of the other types of work I've been doing.  For example, I have not written an animal poem in a bit, particularly not one of the sort of fables that I tend to enjoy writing.  By a bit, of course, I only mean a week or so, I should remember, but that feels like a long while, when I am doing so much writing. I think that I am approaching that point when I will begin to feel a bit more pressure internally, before the next sort of burst of inspiration.  At such times, I have, in the past, managed to keep up by doing a lot more of the kind of exercise work that I discuss, where I allow myself to indulge in writing freely about my experience not being able to write at that moment.  Usually, doing that once is enough to spark me into action doing some...

The second chapbook is, I think, fairly close to ready.  I always want to be certain things are right in sending out my work, and I am never really certain it, but at some point it is necessary to take that leap.  Of late, I have been sending out more work, and I think a lot of it is quite good.  Of course, I know that I should not focus on that, but instead on the writing itself, but that does not make publishing any less necessary, and there is a bit of a philosophical question of why write if not to share the work.  Of course, I am sure many have answers to that, but I am not using poetry as a means of personal exploration or therapy, but approach it as a serious art form.  Poetry, as with most forms of art, has the ability to be used as a valid means of self-discovery and healing, and I believe that the best artists are one's whose work involves aspects of that, but I also think there are other layers for a person who is attempting to communicate outwards an...

I feel like I did a lot of work today.  First, I did my two poems this morning.  Honestly, I can't recall much about them at this moment, as it feels like a long time ago right now.  It is funny how that can happen, but I think it is because I spent most of my afternoon and evening working.  I reordered my second chapbook manuscript and started getting it finalized to send out.  I'm not rushing, as I have more than a week until the deadline, but I want to be sure I have it in good shape, plus I sent it to a few trusted colleagues to see what they think. After that, I spent a long time working on a found poem for the online class I am taking.  For those who haven't heard the term before, found poetry is a bit like found art, in that it is composed using elements that are taken from the world.  In the case of a found poem, it is, of course, using language that others have constructed already.  It can be done in many different ways, with only found...

I kept my pace at four new poems today, and actually sent one out that I thought was particularly timely.  There is a particular journal that has an online section for news related work where I am interested in placing a poem, so when I have something I think they might be interested in, I send it over.  Because the premise is news based, they choose poems on a weekly basis and they want work that is fresh and topical.  I think it's worth sending them stuff regularly, especially since I do write new poems daily, and some tend to be in response to recent events in the world.  That was a poem that I wrote in the morning, along with one that was a sort of confessional piece, but focused on aspects of my life as a writer.  It wasn't in that same vein as the poems I tend to call "plate spinning" exercises but an actual effort to understand and communicate some complex issues surrounding the work.  It felt like something that may be a bit more for myself, thoug...

I think I am going to keep this short today, but I did get my four poems out.  One was a bit of an experiment in found poetry, and I am not sure it is much more than that, but it felt like a fruitful area to explore, and I think there are certain elements of that work which are quite compelling and interesting.  It may be that I need to take some of the rules I followed are bit too strict right now, as the goal was to use another poem by someone else and transform it by shifting only the punctuation, not changing word order at all, but in a way that is an attempt at something cohesive.  It is a bit too much like plagiarism to some, but the goal is completely different from that, and I am not necessarily thinking this is publishable work, but I do think it is a way to explore subtle aspects of language that must be understood in deep and intuitive ways. I feel pretty happy with the three other poems that I composed.  The two this morning were interesting.  The ...

I am shocked to think I've been writing this journal for three hundred days.  I think I missed one or two in the course, but that is probably to be expected, and really besides the point, as the thing that is most interesting is the way it has kept me motivated and also provided me a deeper awareness of my process.  As well, it is also a good record for me of what I have done, if only in a general sense, and I think it is more that it has helped me to keep a mental log of the progress I have made. In part, the big thing is that I am always keeping track of how much I write in a day.  For example, regular readers know I have been focusing on writing four poems daily over the past week or so, and I am sure that writing about it has helped me to remain focused on that as the goal.  As well, I am committing to doing that work when I write about here.  Certainly, that is not ironclad.  I know a number of projects that I've discussed here that have not seen fru...

In some ways, I took it a bit easy today.  I didn't work on my chapbook manuscript, though I am in the middle of getting it ready.  Though there is a deadline, I feel that I have enough time to spend a day focused on other things.  I attended a very nice reading this afternoon at The Book Cellar in Lake Worth.  The reading was organized by Performance Poets of the Palm Beaches as part of a regular series that they do, with one event a month.  I actually will be a featured reader at one event in a few months, and wanted to check it out for that reason.  On top of hearing some very interesting poetry, especially the work of Flose Bourisiquot, who was the first of the featured readers. As well, I came into contact with one of the editors for a local journal, the South Florida Poetry Journal (SoFloPoJo), that I have been meaning to send some work, which sparked me into action.  I had already selected the poems, but I hadn't yet sent them in, and this pro...

I am feeling comfortable, now, with the four poem schedule, though I am still allowing myself a bit more leeway with the work than I might have in the past few weeks.  Of course, it is also true that inspiration cycles.  I know that there were days not long back when I was hitting my head against that metaphorical wall attempting to think up ideas for new poems, so it is not all that hard to imagine that I would be in a situation like that again.  It is hard, of course, to not think that each new approach is "the" way to keep going, but I think it is almost necessary for me to buy into that on some level, or else it would not work. At present, I am doing a lot of good work, even if I am also allowing for more of the easy work as well.  I wrote two poems tonight that I think are both good, at least as drafts, and I think that this mornings work is also of value, even if it was long hanging fruit in a way.  As I have mentioned, I tend to think even the least wor...

This morning, I had a bit of trouble with my inspiration, but I did get two poems written, and this evening I wrote at least one that I quite like.  The other is cute, but fairly simple and silly.  That has value, certainly, but it is a minor sort of piece, and that is fine.  The other, however, I think is something I've been trying to crack for a long time, and I feel quite good about it. It is a poem that is largely about grief, and it takes cues from a number of works I admire greatly, in particular "The Day Lady Died" by Frank O'Hara, and "The River Merchant's Wife, A Letter" by Li Po, via the Pound translation.  Those are both poems that use a certain way of describing internal experience via the details that are shared, which is largely the technique I am following in the new piece.  I think it is quite effective, though it is still a first draft. In addition to that, I also did a bunch more work on my second chapbook, including coming up with ...

It is funny how changing my routine sometimes comes with a bit of a disruption, but not always the way I expect.  I did write four poems today, more or less.  The second poem I wrote this morning is not quite done.  It is a complicated piece and one that I don't know how to really finish at the moment.  I got into a very philosophical mode, and I feel quite good about the work generally, but I did not get all the way to the end, so it remains a fragment right now (albeit a rather long one).  On top of that, I had a bit of trouble this evening and so I resorted to writing another of my poems about poetry, which I need to recognize as being of value, though I feel that they are often just the easy way out when I am stuck.  However, that is a very powerful thing to know.  It is easy to get bogged down, especially when I am doing so much, and have been putting work in on more than just the writing.  Indeed, I think what may have put me over the edge...

I did write four poems today, with two in the morning, as I had wanted to do yesterday, and I feel quite good about it.  I am optimistic that I can make the new addition to my routine stick.  It may seem a bit silly to some people that I am pushing myself to write so many poems, but it is quite liberating for me, actually, in a variety of ways. First, as I am writing this much, I feel quite free to explore ideas in a way that is not encumbered by the desire to produce something astounding.  I remove that pressure, because I know that it is only a small thing in terms of the work that I am doing.  It is like the man who does not worry about missing his bus because he knows another is coming in five minutes.  If this poem is junk, it is not a major thing, and so I am not all that attached.  Of course, that does not mean I am frivolous in how in my approach to the work.  I am serious in the effort, but I am also aware that I don't need to be overly...

Well, I did not write two poems this morning, but it was really a scheduling issue more than anything.  I had to get out of the house by nine and didn't have a chance to work on a second poem.  I feel quite guilty about it, which I take as a positive sign, as it impels me to not miss tomorrow morning.  I did get three poems written today, and I feel quite good about them.  In addition to that, I also did a fair amount of other work.  I sent out a manuscript to a chapbook competition, as well as beginning work on compiling another poetry manuscript, which I intend to send out shortly to another contest.  Beyond that, I did some more research on journals and I think I've identified some good markets, both for my poetry and for some of the fiction I have written over the past few years. The fact is, while I have been doing work that I am proud of, I haven't ever really pressed myself to get it out there.  It feels stupid to me that I waited so long to...

Another three poems today, which has become my standard for some time.  I do want to get myself writing at least one more a day, but for some reason, I often find it hard to get more writing done in the morning.  That is, though, a matter, I think, of will more than anything.  I know that the poems I write in the evening do not always come so easily, but I have been writing two poems at night for long enough that now I feel driven to keep that pace.  It really is just a matter of putting that same ethos to work on getting more written each morning.  Certainly, for a bit, it will be a matter of making that commitment and keeping to it, but eventually it will become a drive. That is what has occurred for my nightly writing practice.  For example, tonight, after writing one poem, I took a bit of a break, during which I began to think that maybe I would only write that and go straight to working on tonight's blog entry.  However, when I got to the comput...

I am glad to report that I am back in the swing of things today.  I spent a long time this evening working on preparing the manuscript for my chapbook before I send it out, as well as writing three new, and I think promising, poems.  I still, of course, feel a bit frustrated, and the sting of rejection remains, but I am not going to be daunted by that. Part of what makes it upsetting, honestly, is the feeling of not being in control, and of not knowing what I can or should do to alter the outcome.  The only path forward is the same path I am on, as I said yesterday, and I don't have any idea how to ease the journey.  All I can do is keep writing and sending out, with a belief that things will take a positive turn at some point.  Their is no proactive solution to the problem. Some would tell me to try self-publishing, but that is not really a path forwards for me.  I recognize that others find it rewarding, but I am not interested in just having a book, ...

I am feeling very good about the work I am doing these days.  I've enough poems that I think are good to have a full length collection, compiled a shorter set into a very nice chapbook manuscript, and am continuing to write each day.  Today, I wrote three new poems at least two of which I feel quite good about.  The third was largely me venting, but it still may have value, though I tend to be dismissive about such pieces in my own work.  Writing them is often just a way of clearing the lines so I can get to the good stuff. All that being said, I received a rejection today from a journal, and that is always a bit painful.  First, the work I am sharing matters greatly to me so these responses come as something very personal.  At the same time, I know I am getting a form rejection, which I understand is how these things need to be handled when dealing with the volume of submissions that come in.  In this case, the rejection started with an encouraging ...

I have had an incredible day, one that feels like a turning point in many ways.  My friend and poetic collaborator Freesia McKee came to visit to help me work on some of the backlog of poems that I have on my computer.  In total, I have about 390 poems on my computer, most of which are fairly recent, and I have been attempting to sort the one's that seem closest to completion.  Today, we not only identified a large number of those poems, but actually worked on the minor tweaks that many of the pieces needed.  We only got through a hundred or so poems from my PC, but managed to do the fine tuning on a large number as well.  By the end of the day I had moved around 70 more poems into the "completed" folder. In addition to this, we also organized a set of these poems into a chapbook, as well as identifying a number of markets for my work, preparing packets, and even sending out a few submissions.  I feel incredibly enthused, though I am exhausted from the ef...

Three new poems today, and all quite different from each other, and not quite my usual work either. This mornings was a sort of meditation on waking up early.  Ironically, I actually didn't wake that early today, but the speaker is talking about rising before dawn.  I often am up that early, and I think it was thinking about the difference between mornings when I am up then and today which lead me to thinking about that subject.  It feels fairly complete, though still rough.  The idea in it is developed, though, which is often the most important thing in a first draft.  Getting the rest into shape is far easier when you know the poems overall shape. The next piece was a sort of list poem about salt, and I am not certain how well it works.  It was in part an exercise, drawing on one of the prompts from the class I taught(I shared the full list on Monday, I believe).  The specific prompt was about using a single central word in the poem, allowing th...

Another day with three new poems. I am wanting to push further, again, and some recent days I have gotten more than three poems drafted, but I still seem to be having difficulty in the morning committing to more than one poem.  Some afternoons I write as well, and I generally write two poems in the evening, as the least.  Their are certainly nights when I get three or more in the evening.  It depends, though I am not sure the exact parameters.  It may well be that I just need to lash myself to my desk a bit more and I would get more work done, as it does feel that my evening writing habit is often just a matter of making myself get to work.  As well, I often find that my morning writing periods are quite different.  For some reason, I seem to find it easier writing more personal, confessional type work.  In many ways that is still fairly new for me, as I have never focused on poems that are based in my own life.  Certain exceptions do exist, for...

It has been a strange day full of ups and downs, but I think that I got some good work done.  First, I had an exchange with my friend, poet Freesia McKee, who has become my first reader lately, and she suggested that two pieces from last week are probably ready to go.  I actually have about ten or so poems that I think are probably ready to go out, a small number comparatively, but it is growing.  I'm not doing as much revision right now as I would like, but I have plenty of poems that are probably pretty close to done at this point, if I just sat down to work on them for a bit.  It is a matter of having the time for that, while also maintaining the writing practice itself.  As well, a part of me is afraid that revision takes a different mental process, and one that is not always helpful for writing new work.   To revise requires a level of critical evaluation that is good, but it is also a bit stifling.  Consider that when writing a new poem, ...

I am feeling rather positive about my work tonight.  First, after my workshop, one of the participants (who I already knew) asked me to be a featured poet at a reading in a few months.  It has been some time since I had such an invitation, and I am quite excited about the opportunity.  I'll share details when I know more, but for now, I just wanted to say that I feel very honored to be asked, especially considering that I don't even have a book out at this point.  I don't know a great deal about the reading series that the even is part of, but it is certainly a good chance to share my work with an audience, and I am hopeful that maybe someone from a literary journal will be there, as quite a few come from Florida.  Of course, that's unlikely, but I didn't really expect the workshop to lead to anything, so I am keeping myself in an open and optimistic frame of mind. In terms of my writing today, I got three poems and I feel good about them all, actually. ...

I have four or so new poems today, and am really quite pleased with them, generally.  There is one in particular that I am rather happy about having written, as the idea had been in my mind for some time, but I couldn't quite think how to make it work.  I really just pushed myself to do it today, and I am quite pleased with the results.  Granted, it is still a first draft, but I think I have the shape the tone, and many of the other larger details as well.  It feels complete, even if it is not yet polished. I also am quite happy with the other pieces I wrote, it is just that this one stands out to me as something special, perhaps because the idea has been in my head for a bit and really it just sort of tickles me as a concept.  Sometimes that is enough, I suppose.  A lot of the poems I'm working on lately have been built from ideas that I find sort of absurd or silly in some way, but which I take seriously, and this poem certainly fits into that category....

The workshop I lead this afternoon seemed to go quite well and I received a lot of very positive feedback from the participants.  I had a lot of fun with it, really, and found it a great way to get myself thinking about craft.  As well, having decided that I wanted the poems we looked at to be new, so that the participants would all likely be seeing them for the first time, I read through a whole bunch of recent journals, and I found a lot of great new poetry that I had not encountered before, some by poets I know well, others by new names that I was encountering for the first time.  It gave me a real chance to look closely at some of the work that is being published these days, and to consider it in deeper and more specific terms than I normally would. The premise of the class was looking at the issue of how writer's load meaning into language.  Consider that a piece of writing is a mono-track: reader's can only perceive a word at a time.  Yet, a poet has to...