A Writer's Notebook, Day Two-Hundred-And-Ninety-Five
I did write four poems today, with two in the morning, as I had wanted to do yesterday, and I feel quite good about it. I am optimistic that I can make the new addition to my routine stick. It may seem a bit silly to some people that I am pushing myself to write so many poems, but it is quite liberating for me, actually, in a variety of ways.
First, as I am writing this much, I feel quite free to explore ideas in a way that is not encumbered by the desire to produce something astounding. I remove that pressure, because I know that it is only a small thing in terms of the work that I am doing. It is like the man who does not worry about missing his bus because he knows another is coming in five minutes. If this poem is junk, it is not a major thing, and so I am not all that attached. Of course, that does not mean I am frivolous in how in my approach to the work. I am serious in the effort, but I am also aware that I don't need to be overly invested. Ironically, that attitude allows me to do better work, much of the time, because I don't feel pressure to be "on".
Second, I also feel liberated in having the work. As I take the steps of sending out my poems, I have a great deal to choose from, and can easily see myself submitting to a great many journals, as well as contests for chapbook's and full length collections. I am already preparing a second chapbook manuscript to send out shortly, and I feel good about the idea of a third that will be a little more themed, I think. I have so much work ready to go that I have the liberty to take chances sending work to many places without worrying about multiple submissions. As well, if I am honest, I feel compelled to send the work out, as I have so much of it. Really, I was starting to feel like a dragon, hoarding so many poems. It was quite motivating to see that I had nearly four hundred poems on my computer, and made me feel an urgent need to start sharing them.
As well, I feel that I can even afford to take a few of those pieces and put them up on my own, online. I am not yet ready to do that, honestly, but I am considering which poems I think would be good to post on my own. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that if I had less work, as I would feel that I wanted each poem to get into a journal. But as it stands, I have so much work, well, I don't think I need to worry about that so much. Indeed, it would be ridiculous to think that I even could get that many poems into journals in a short time. I am writing enough that I can spare poems. as it were.
Beyond any of that, I also feel quite liberated in knowing that I can do this much work and can sustain it over a longer period. In part, that is why it matters to me that I am increasing my writing output over time. The thing is, I felt stifled for a very long time, and I wasn't writing for much of it. Even when I got myself back to writing, I had a lot of difficulty getting myself back to poetry. Now that I am engaged in the work, and I see just how easily I can produce new poems, I am able to let go of many of the fears and worries that used to keep me from doing the work. The key to writer's block is writing, and that seems obvious, of course, but it does not change it. When I began, and for a long time, even now at times, I don't feel that I have anything to write, but I am able to let that go and write something anyhow, even if it is just a meditation on not knowing what to write. I have a ritual and a routine to keep, and I know that if I did it yesterday, and the day before that, and so on, that must mean I can do it again today. So I do.
First, as I am writing this much, I feel quite free to explore ideas in a way that is not encumbered by the desire to produce something astounding. I remove that pressure, because I know that it is only a small thing in terms of the work that I am doing. It is like the man who does not worry about missing his bus because he knows another is coming in five minutes. If this poem is junk, it is not a major thing, and so I am not all that attached. Of course, that does not mean I am frivolous in how in my approach to the work. I am serious in the effort, but I am also aware that I don't need to be overly invested. Ironically, that attitude allows me to do better work, much of the time, because I don't feel pressure to be "on".
Second, I also feel liberated in having the work. As I take the steps of sending out my poems, I have a great deal to choose from, and can easily see myself submitting to a great many journals, as well as contests for chapbook's and full length collections. I am already preparing a second chapbook manuscript to send out shortly, and I feel good about the idea of a third that will be a little more themed, I think. I have so much work ready to go that I have the liberty to take chances sending work to many places without worrying about multiple submissions. As well, if I am honest, I feel compelled to send the work out, as I have so much of it. Really, I was starting to feel like a dragon, hoarding so many poems. It was quite motivating to see that I had nearly four hundred poems on my computer, and made me feel an urgent need to start sharing them.
As well, I feel that I can even afford to take a few of those pieces and put them up on my own, online. I am not yet ready to do that, honestly, but I am considering which poems I think would be good to post on my own. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that if I had less work, as I would feel that I wanted each poem to get into a journal. But as it stands, I have so much work, well, I don't think I need to worry about that so much. Indeed, it would be ridiculous to think that I even could get that many poems into journals in a short time. I am writing enough that I can spare poems. as it were.
Beyond any of that, I also feel quite liberated in knowing that I can do this much work and can sustain it over a longer period. In part, that is why it matters to me that I am increasing my writing output over time. The thing is, I felt stifled for a very long time, and I wasn't writing for much of it. Even when I got myself back to writing, I had a lot of difficulty getting myself back to poetry. Now that I am engaged in the work, and I see just how easily I can produce new poems, I am able to let go of many of the fears and worries that used to keep me from doing the work. The key to writer's block is writing, and that seems obvious, of course, but it does not change it. When I began, and for a long time, even now at times, I don't feel that I have anything to write, but I am able to let that go and write something anyhow, even if it is just a meditation on not knowing what to write. I have a ritual and a routine to keep, and I know that if I did it yesterday, and the day before that, and so on, that must mean I can do it again today. So I do.
Comments
Post a Comment