A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Ten

There is a conflict that arises at times like this, when I feel that I am discovering something new in my writing life.  On one hand, I feel incredible, and that I am doing something amazing and daring, but, as well, I fear that I am not writing it properly.  Of course, that fear is natural, a result of doing work that is new and daring, a necessary part of learning and discovery.  Yet, even knowing this, I feel very much both an elation and a deflation at the same time.

To offer a specific example, I wrote a poem today that I think may be very good, but I am afraid that it is possibly terrible in a particular way.  I think it might well be that I am wrong about that, but I am afraid to show it to anyone, for fear that it really is that bad, even though the people I would share it with are supportive and know my work already.  If anything, they might feel that it is off, but they wouldn't judge me by it, I don't think.  But, still, a part of me is not wanting to take the risk of showing this work yet.

Of course, I'll get over that, but it is interesting to note and I think worth my being aware of these things.  I have previously discussed how this journal has made me more aware of the cycles I traverse as a writer, and this seems to be another of those, perhaps on a scale.  Certainly, it feels like this kind of shift happens less often, but I am sure I have been through changes of this sort in the past, even if not all that recently.  Of course, the specifics of those experiences were not something I paid close attention to at the time, so I can't say if this is the same thing for certain.  That is why I am glad to be doing this now.

Beyond just being aware of those cycles, I have to believe that the self-reflection combined with the sheer volume of writing I am doing have contributed to bringing me to this new point in my work.  I think that being more aware of my process, and using that awareness to keep myself progressing has played a direct and significant role in bringing me to this place, and I think continuing those processes, even now when I am a bit off kilter because of the new ideas for my work, is critical.  I do feel that the work has developed far more than I could have expected in this time, and I am very glad that I decided to commit myself to this path.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Writer's Notebook, Day Two-Hundred-And-Fifty

Each of the three pieces I wrote today was a bit of a struggle to get going, if I am honest.  That happens, as I have mentioned, and my answer is generally to just wait it out, and the results vary.  A lot of the time, if I am really stuck, I might try to force something out, often it winds up being a bit meta, with me writing about being stuck without much in terms of inspiration, and it feels a bit like I am working scales in a way.  All the aesthetic decisions are there, they just don't always have a lot of purpose behind them, and that is fine in that context.  Essentially, I am just forcing myself to do the work, and getting it done, and I am showing myself that I can and will do it even if inspiration never strikes.  This can often take pressure off, and that lack of pressure opens up creative thinking and inspiration. Now, that is a fine thing for me to do, and I am likely to use that approach again many times in the future, but today I felt that I want...
Read more

Le Guin, Steering The Craft, Chapter Five: Adjectives and Adverbs (Exercise Five, Chastity)

A note of apology for my lateness with this.  I had expected to have time earlier in the day, but it was not to be, alas.  Anyhow, I am still a bit nervous about this exercise, though it is clearly of significant import to Le Guin, as she points out that it is the only exercise that she has given to all of her workshops.  That, of course, does not alter my feelings about it, excepting that I am aware of it as something valuable and worth doing, so the fact that it is a bit daunting might well be seen, through that light, as a promise of reward, perhaps.  The more difficult the task, the more one has to gain, at least by some logic... Exercise Five: Chastity Mr. Torino was in charge.  He had his way.  It was the way.  Desktops are clean.  Nothing but work.  No pictures: not your kids; not your girl or wife; not (as Allen recounted) your car.   None of that.  No plants.  No cartoons.  That is for home, this is work....
Read more

A Writer's Notebook, Two-Thousand-And-Fifty-Nine

I have been thinking about how I can discuss certain aspects of my poetry and the choices I make as a writer.  In particular, I tend to write without as much reliance on sensory details and descriptions, instead choosing more abstract depictions.  This is something that I know many writers would call an odd choice, as specificity seems inherently to demand the application of detail, but I tend to be a bit hesitant about relying on depictions that utilize the senses, as I find that approach somewhat problematic.  For one thing, sensory description is always going to be less than universal, and not only because of the reality that there are individuals who lack one or more sense.  In many ways, for me, the deeper problem is one related to language itself.  Our use of language creates our experiences in a very real way, though I can't necessarily offer a full explanation of what I mean by that right here, but using a word for an object bestows qualities on it....
Read more