Would That I Might

Tomorrow is the workshop I was asked to teach for the Palm Beach Poetry Festival, and so I didn't get as much writing done today as I might have otherwise, as I had to do some prep for that.  I am very excited about it, really, and nervous, as it has been quite a while since I've taught a class, but I am ready to go. I did get two poems written today, and I think both have some merit, though they certainly will need more work.  I am feeling good about where I am with the work at the moment, and think I am going to have a number of poems that are ready to go very soon.  I'm looking forwards to that. I'll share some stuff from the workshop tomorrow, I think, but for now I am going to call it a night so that I can get to bed and be ready to go in the morning.

I am not sure how I feel about the poems I wrote today, really, but they were more than just exercises.  I forced myself to do more than just rush into something for the sake of getting the work over with, instead sitting and stewing for a bit, pushing myself to do real work and not just busy work.  In some ways, I think that busy work has a real value, but it seems worthwhile to try and see what I can do to get around it, at least in order to understand my own process.  I am certain that I will write more pieces that are just done for the sake of writing something to keep up with my work, and I have no qualms about that.  At the same time, I want to have a stronger grasp on the difference between that kind of effort and the work that I find more compelling and successful. It seems likely that the busy work, the plate spinning as I like to call it, is often a way of clearing out things so I can get to better work.  As well, I think it often is a path towards a poem.  I might write a

I am rather exhausted, so I expect to keep this short, but I did have a productive day, and felt that the ideas I explored yesterday held true.  I wrote a poem this morning which was basically the result of me pushing myself in that same way, and it worked out, as did a piece I just finished before opening this document.  Those were not the only pieces I wrote today, but they are the highlights, I believe, and suggest that I may be heading in the right direction with my thoughts on how to propel my work even when I know I need to write and am not entirely certain what to put into the poem. I also think it worth mentioning that I am considering taking on a Summer novel.  The idea came to me yesterday and has been brewing, and, though I don't want to get into the specifics, I can say that I think the idea is quite good and will be very interesting to play with.  I've only got a basic sense of it now, and really not much of a plot.  Actually, I am thinking it may not be very plo

It was another productive day for my writing, first in terms of the poems that I wrote.  I think it was four in total, and I feel that they are all on the right track.  Certainly, they need work, but they are all things I feel have a realness too them, as I discussed last night. It is funny but I think I figured out a bit of something in that blog, or maybe over this whole past week, because I could feel myself starting in a way that might have, on another day, been just an exercise.  Instead, today I was able to sort of push myself to take a stronger approach, which is odd, because I hadn't really understood the difference between one and the other, and at the moment I cannot really explain it other than to describe some of it. In several cases, I wrote a first line, or part of one, without the intent for it to be about much other than my current status and the desire to write a poem, as I often wind up iterating upon when I'm not inspired, but instead of just allowing that

I feel quite happy with my writing today.  I wrote four or five poems, and at least two, possibly even three, excite me.  That is actually not the right description, but I can't think of a better word than "excite".  It is more that they feel like poems and not like exercises in poetry, which is a very subtle distinction that I can't really describe more clearly.  It is not a quality in the work, but instead a feeling I get afterwards.  While I am working, I don't usually have much sense of things one way or another, as far as that goes, though there are certainly occasions when I feel very inspired and that energy certainly goes into the work, and makes it obvious to me that I am doing something "real" for lack of a better word.  The truth is that it does excite me to write poems that I look at and feel are worthwhile as things and not merely as part of a process, but that excitement is a response and not the initial feeling. I do wish that I had a wa

Another day where I did a lot of writing, but only a little of it feels like more than an exercise.  This happens, and I want to be okay saying that it is fine, as I know that is true.  I mean, I know that having a few days where I am not entirely enthused by the work is not a big deal so long as I am still writing daily.  That is the key thing, as I know that inspiration is fickle, but that it also is responsive to commitment.  Days like this, I want to remember, are a test of sorts, and keeping at the work, even, as has lately been the case, attempting to get more written in response, is the sign that I am still on target, even when I am not producing material that I am particularly enamored of.  Their are some aspects of the creative process I cannot control, and one of them is the actual inspiration.  All I can do is keep at the work in hopes that something will strike, and with a certain knowledge that it will, even if not just now.  While all that is true, it does not, of cours

I wrote a lot of poems again today, though most were still really just clearing the lines, as it were. In some cases, that is really the best way to think of this kind of work: getting out the stuff that is in the way of the real work.  It is like running the water until it turns clear again.  Some of the work was, as yesterday, sort of self-exploration, and I do feel that is moving towards a more substantive place, but it is not yet there.  That work has merit, I believe, but I am not yet writing the kind of pieces that I want within that milieu.  Of course, the only way to improve and achieve that would be to keep working, so the fact that the work is not there yet is no reason to stop, or to dismiss these pieces as not being serious work.  Indeed, the fact that it is so hard for me to even consider, most of the time, writing in that sort of personal, confessional vein suggests to me that I should explore that.  Poetry is not about hiding from what is difficult or different, but requ

Sometimes it is about keeping going.  I wrote a whole bunch of stuff tonight, four or five poems, and I honestly just knew they were really me working through stuff in a way that wasn't particularly useful or interesting, and which might be the basis for something later on, but I wasn't doing real work.  I kept going, though, because those exercises matter, and because I wanted to feel that I was able to get through some of what I was thinking about.  In a way, it was a sort of purge for me, if that makes sense.  Though the work that results might not be entirely useful at this moment, or I don't think it is, it is still helpful for me to use my work as a practice for working through this stuff.] Now, I want to be clear, I am not writing these as exercises or journals, but am fully invested, at the time, in communicating something about my own experience, it is only later that I look back and determine the work isn't ready at this point.  I do it with a focus on creat

It is late, but it was a rather good day in terms of productivity.  I have four new poems, one from this morning, one from the early evening, and two that I just wrote.  I feel that two are interesting.  One of those two I am actually quite happy with at the moment.  It seems to fit into another of the general categories I've been playing with, connecting to a few different pieces that I can think of.  It focuses on the idea of taking something fairly abstract and building a sort of extended metaphor out of it, in this case the concept of doubt.  The thing is to take a concept that is fairly abstract and treat it as concrete. (That actually is a really good idea for an exercise form my upcoming workshop, and fits quite well into the general theme I am working with, but I will think about that at another time.) So, I feel that I got a fair amount of good work done today, though it took a long time to get the work really going.  I had a busy evening, with company and going out an

In many ways, my day was rather terrible.  I don't really want to get into a lot of it, but I was rather upset by some of the things that happened.  Honestly, I felt that I had been misled and the revelation of that was done in  a way that seemed quite hurtful.  The entire situation that I am dealing with is rather emotional, and it is something that is important to me.  I am not sure what to do about a lot of it at the moment, and I feel somewhat out of sorts, as you might sense from reading this. However, I also wound up doing a lot of work tonight.  This morning, I started out with a piece that was really just a dashed off exercise that I did mainly to make certain I got some work done.  But then, tonight, I wound up writing four more pieces, two of which I am quite happy about. The others, while not necessarily great in a general, were really good for me to do, as they were expressing some older thoughts that I think I needed to explore.  While the output doesn't happen t

I am not overwhelmingly happy with the work I did today.  I wrote three poems and started some notes for that play I am working on, exploring the issue I need to solve in order to write it.  The poems were alright, but nothing I am too excited about.  I think that may be me being harsh on myself, possibly, but I also recognize that the work I did today felt a bit like I was just getting it done and not like anything too inspired. In the end, this is why I need to keep reminding myself that doing the work each day is what I can really be proud of.  I know, to some extent, that I can't control when I am inspired, really.  I can do the things that supply me with new ideas and keep myself going, and I can keep in shape, so to speak, by writing and doing other creative thinking, but I can't make an idea just happen all the time.  In some cases, sure, I can sit down and do the work and make something come, but in other cases, their is nothing much there, and I have to just do what

Today was not a particularly productive day for me creatively, but I still managed three poems, and I feel that they are all of some value.  It is rather late so I am going to be brief tonight, but their is a great value, for me, in knowing that I am still finding ways into the work even when I am not always on fire and other issues are preoccupying me much of the time.  Indeed, some of those issues make their way into the poems I am writing, though that is not always making for my best work.  In the end, I am doing the work and having a practice is the most important thing I can keep control of as a poet, so it is what I am focusing on at this point.

I have four new poems today, and three of them are, I think, very good drafts.  They are also poems that really pushed me in ways.  One is a sort of prose poem that has a kind of Borgesian quality to it.  It is intended to read as a fragment from an article concerning the discovery of journals relating a strange and ill-fated exploratory expedition in the New World.  The concept had been in my head for some time, and it took me a bit of time to really get my head around it.  Certain ideas still need to settle, really, but I know some work I want to do on that piece already.  Another piece was a continuance of the series of surreal animal fables that I keep coming up with.  While I consider those pieces to be serial, they are all of very different styles and tones, and this one shifts to a new area, in a way.  At least, it feels that it is in a different tenor to me.  The last piece was another that had been in my head for some time, but which was rather difficult to know just how to ge

I had written two poems, one this morning, and another this evening, each of which I think was good work.  Perhaps not at my top form, ultimately, but that is not always the way of things.  The best cannot be the same as what I do each day, and that is the nature of it.  I was happy with those two poems, but I determined that was not enough and pushed myself to write two more.  One of those was, as is often the case, a bit of an exercise, but I think the other actually did get someplace.  I need to keep recognizing the value of pushing myself to do more work, and to keep my energy going. Honestly, what is zapping me is the other stuff in my life right now, and I am quite pleased with the dedication to the practice I am maintaining.  While I am not always getting the amount written I hope for, I am still doing a lot more work than in previous eras of my life, and that is a drastic and important shift.  I am well aware of that shift, and the ways in which I am pushing myself are in lin

I stopped, again, at three poems today, but I did have at least one that felt closer to the work I want to be doing, and in some ways felt a bridge between a few different areas of the work I've been doing lately.  I'm often finding that the work is sort of interweaving in a way, where different threads of work come together.  For example, I've had a lot of poems of late that are sort of surrealistic animal fables, of a sort, and I have had other work that seems to be about the idea of finding the world slightly off kilter in some way, or seeing something that is sort of strange and perhaps uncanny or magical, maybe.  In one poem today, those two concepts sort of came together in a way that I hadn't explored before.  It is like a nexus between two different aspects of my recent work. I'm not sure that is a thing that will continue, or that I will find other work of this particular sort, but it feels good to me that I have work which can bridge that space, as it al

I wrote three poems today, which is, indeed, not my intended output most days of late, yet, and not for the first or even second time, I am finding myself buoyed by the fact that three poems is simultaneously below my current average for a day and well above where I was even a short time ago.  I recall, at one point in the last two months when I considered three poems to be a good daily average, and now it is a minimal goal that I can accept, even if I am aware it is a bit slack. So, while I am annoyed that I didn't push myself to do more work and to keep up with my current goals, I am also astounded and pleased that I have reached a place where I can feel that way about a three poem day.  As well, I am not holding any other writer to this standard.  It is purely my own.  I also think I might feel differently if the work I produced today had felt more significant.  But, of course, that can happen at any time, with any of these poems, where an idea just hits and takes off, and it

I'll keep this short, as I am rather exhausted, but I felt that I got some good work started today.  I've got two poems that I feel somewhat good about, generally.  I am not thinking they are incredible at the moment, but I feel proud of the work.  It feels to me that it is a lot more in league with the kind of work I am doing at my best these days, even if it doesn't reach quite to that level.  Honestly, I am aware that not every poem or every day will be on that level.  At the same time, I do feel a difference when I push myself to do the more serious work, and I feel that doing that on a regular basis as I am attempting to is rewarding me with far more of the kind of work that I want to be producing.  It may not be each day, but I have a few poems I've written lately that just feel like they are reaching something, and I am very glad to know I can do that kind of work even if only once in a while.  And if the cost of doing that occasionally incredible work is to do o

I did write five poems today, pushing myself towards one more, and I feel like I was getting somewhere in that last poem.  Some of the other work I did today felt like it could be quite worthwhile, of course, but that last one felt like I was heading in the direction of much of my best work of late. I also did a lot of thinking about other work I am attempting, especially that play, and I think I might have an idea of how to get some of it working.  I'm not certain yet of the whole thing, but I feel that I am in the direction of an answer to how I will get the action to progress in the way I want.  Now, of course, I'm going to need to figure it out in more exact ways, and I have a lot of further questions that are being raised in what I am doing here, but I think I've gotten to a place where I can begin seeing those answers.  Really, I'd been a bit stuck on how to create the way past some of what I've already been writing, but the ideas I've had today are larg

I am wondering if it may not be time to push myself a bit.  I've felt a little stagnant this week, which is not a long time, really, and it may well be a result of stress to do with issues I have alluded to previously.  I'm keeping up with my regiment, mostly, and not finding it too difficult to make something happen, even if it is not a great piece of work. While that makes me very happy and even proud, I'm also wondering if it might not be time to agitate my process a bit with something more. In part, my thinking is that I am at a point now where the current work level is not putting me into the right mental space, and it may be that I need to change it up a bit to get more done.   I think pushing myself to do some added work may provide that element that pushes me forwards again.  Of course, I am wondering what the end of this is, as pushing myself to keep doing more and more work each day is not a real solution in the end, at least not long term.  I will need to find

I am not certain what the writing that I did today really amounts to, if I am honest.  I wrote three or so new poems, but I don't feel that any of them are anything all that great at present, and am not sure that they are really at a place where I want to devote the attention that they need to them.  Some of this may be me being hard on the work, but I didn't feel that inspired, honestly.  Now, that may be, in some level, a bit bleak, but I also am considering this a success, in that I kept at the work, even when I wasn't feeling it, and I tend to think that a day like today may just be a bit of a test from whatever does bring inspiration.  In some way, it feels like there is a fickle quality to the muse, who wishes only to bestow gifts on me when I am willing to remain dedicated even in her absence, as though leaving is a test of my loyalty.  So, to keep at the work, well, that is a victory, even when the work produced may be of lesser merit.  Besides, if I am writing so

fThis week has been quite long, with many ups and downs.  Honestly, last Monday I thought things were settled and that I was ready to make some major and positive changes, but then got some information that completely changed things in a way that was quite upsetting.  I have attempted to get past a lot of that, but it has been a difficult thing.  I have to get back into a different state of mind, and I am beginning to understand that more fully.  Honestly, I am not sure how to get there at the moment. One thing, though, that I am doing, which I fceel quite glad for, is remaining consistent in my work.  I drafted three complete pieces, and started work on a fourth that remains unfinished at present but which, I think, has a great deal of potential, though I am attempting to really understand it more fully right at the moment.  It is a piece that is about identity and family and a lot of other questions seem to be important for it, in my mind, but I am not certain how to get where I th

It is going to be another quick check in tonight, as I have had a long and tiring (and somewhat depressing, if I am honest) day.  Still, I did get my work done, and am actually quite happy with some of it.  I wrote a piece tonight that I thought would just be junk but turned into something, and I feel similarly about work from earlier, I think, though if I am honest I am a bit out of it and cannot quite recall the specifics of that work.  It has been a rather long day, as I said...

I feel quite lucky that I am engaged in a practice of writing at this moment, because I think it is probably one of the few things that I have to allow me an outlet right now.  In dealing with certain things, I'm needing to really be more stoic, but I am not good at that, honestly.  I am trying to keep from putting to much of my emotion into things in general, but to do that well, I still need an outlet, and I am finding ways to allow my work to exist in that way, at least in part.  At times, this can result in highly obscure work of a very personal nature, but it is not only that, and I find it is cleansing, at times, to write such pieces and then move forwards into things that are more universal.  At times, though, even those personal pieces can work quite effectively. Today I didn't engage in that so much, but doing the work itself was a release, and I am glad of the poems I created, and feel that two are rather deserving of further attention.  I also did a bit of other wo

I am really rather upset right now, but I don't want to get into it.  I am glad to say that I have kept up with working and writing, even attending my writing group tonight, despite my feeling rather low energy about it.  I don't want to get into the things that are bothering me at this moment, but let's just say that Melissa and I had made a major and positive decision that we were really excited about, and then a major part of our plans fell through and we are now back at square one, but with higher expectations about things, having seen certain possibilities.  Anyhow, I am really preoccupied by this right now, but I hope that tomorrow I'll be back on track, at least a bit.

I've written several new poems today, including at least one that I feel is quite good already, though it will need some work, and another that I am thinking may require a bit more tinkering before I get it right, but which has a certain potential.  In addition, I've written one or two other things that might have a certain value at the end of the day, though in a different way, perhaps.  I think there are often pieces that can be used in those poems, although the whole of it may not yet be there.  I'm working towards something, though, with them, even if individual elements aren't working, as a cohesive longer work, their are ways in which these things are clearly capable of working together. For instance, I've been working on a great many poems that reflect my need to write and the reality that, at times, the only thought at that moment is that I need to write, and so it becomes an exercise of discussing that itself. These individual pieces have some qualities i

I wrote three and a half poems today, with one piece that is not fully cooked yet.  The idea is still coming together on it, but I feel it will be a fun piece when it is done.  If I am honest, at least one of the pieces I wrote today felt more like it was just my getting something out of my system, though in a sort of journalesque sense.  It was, in many ways, an exercise intended to keep me working, and I am aware that this is not really the same thing as producing an actual piece for publication, but I will say that my process remains the same.  The main reason I wouldn't share this piece is that it involves a sort of critical and negative stance about another person's work in a way that is not really fair.  It is possible I may change that opinion at some point, and if the poem had gone to a deeper place, one that I felt was of value in itself, I would likely have a different attitude.  The ideas in that piece are things that I can see growing in other ways, and in that sens

It has been another very long day, but an exciting one, as well.  I am quite exhausted, so I'll be keeping it short, once more, but I have written three or four poems today, and am feeling very good about a lot of things.  I have some stress right now, over certain things going on in my personal and family life, but I am learning that I can let that go through different ways of thinking, and through using my creative imagination as an outlet for various emotions and thoughts that might otherwise be pent up and used destructively, in ways that are not productive.  I am not perfect at this, of course, and I need to get better, but I feel that I am on my way with a lot of that.

Some days, the only effort possible is minimal, but still, it is important to do the work.  I wrote two new poems, and feel a bit like a slacker for it, which is a good thing, really.  Writing a single poem was a feat at one point, and writing two would have been enormous, but now, that is a minimal effort that I am disappointed by.  It's an amazing shift.  Keeping tonight short, for the same reasons that I didn't get more written otherwise.  Just a crazy day, really, but very tired.

I've had a productive day, with four new pieces, and I feel quite good about several of them.  One, I think, I may even have a plan for, it is is actually good.  I am feeling creatively energized right now in a very positive way, and that is really a boon, as other things in my life are quite stressful.  The house hunt I mentioned is feeling quite fraught, in some ways, as it began with certain misapprehensions that led to certain expectations.  I am attempting, at the moment, to consider what is possible to do in terms of our actual budget.  The point, however, is not to discuss that, but to recognize, and celebrate, the rejuvenating aspect of creating.  The act of writing this evening has certainly done a great deal to make me feel quite positive about certain things. I am recognizing, as well, that I need to be able to access some of that energy in other ways, in order to help gain control over my own responses to certain experiences.  In moments of stress, I need to find ways

I've had a rather long and frustrating day, on several levels, but I can say that it was a productive day for writing, as I have four or five new pieces, several of which I think are pretty good.  I am not entirely certain about them, except for one, I think.  I actually wrote two this morning, with three this evening.  Yesterday, I didn't feel quite so productive, and was not really all that proud of the work I had come up with, but I knew that doing that work mattered, if only as a way to keep in gear. In some ways, prolixity is a matter of habit.  I have explained this some before.  It is about the idea that creating the work is a practice, a discipline, and taking the commitment to that seriously.  I don't let a day go by, at this point, that I don't write a new poem.  By doing this, I am building that habit and also strengthening my work as a poet.  Any poem I write is a chance to learn to be a better writer.  That opportunity to learn is fulfilled by continuing

I am do not feel to great about the poems I wrote today, but I feel great about having written them.  Honestly, there is one that is possibly something, though I need to read it again a few times.  I did wind up doing more of that meta poetry that I think of just doing my scales or spinning plates, but it is something, and it can result in things that are interesting at times.  Even if it is not a great poem, it may include something small that is worth saving for other uses. Anyhow, I am going to keep it short tonight, as I am quite exhausted, and really need to try to sleep as I have an early morning tomorrow.