Would That I Might

I am getting myself consistently writing two poems in the morning, as well as keeping up with two at night, and I want to add some more work time in, actually.  Tomorrow, I want to do some work on that play, as I have a meeting tomorrow night.  I could have gone earlier tonight, but had a very long and busy afternoon/evening.  I am not going into all of it, but Melissa and I are looking at buying a house and have begun searching with someone.  We've seen a few places we liked, though they were not perfect and were also not really inside our budget at the moment.  One was actually an amazing place that was totally mid-century modern with a sunken living room and tiled entry, as well as brown shag carpet.  It was actually a beautiful house, though it really would need a lot of work.  Anyway, I am not going to get into all that but to say that we need to keep looking, but at least now we have some idea of what we like.  Honestly, we didn't have an absolute sense of the budget when

It's going to be another short one, as today has been quite long already.  I did get my four poems in, and feel good about them, even about the one that sort of began as a bit of commentary on my need to write at that moment.  I am not sure about that one, entirely, if I am honest, but I think it has some potential to it, and I am considering the idea that, at some point, a group of those things might be used to craft a longer piece, possible. The other three pieces were more complicated and interesting, I think, and I am excited to take a review of my recent poems soon, so I can really figure out what I want to do with some of them.

Each of the three pieces I wrote today was a bit of a struggle to get going, if I am honest.  That happens, as I have mentioned, and my answer is generally to just wait it out, and the results vary.  A lot of the time, if I am really stuck, I might try to force something out, often it winds up being a bit meta, with me writing about being stuck without much in terms of inspiration, and it feels a bit like I am working scales in a way.  All the aesthetic decisions are there, they just don't always have a lot of purpose behind them, and that is fine in that context.  Essentially, I am just forcing myself to do the work, and getting it done, and I am showing myself that I can and will do it even if inspiration never strikes.  This can often take pressure off, and that lack of pressure opens up creative thinking and inspiration. Now, that is a fine thing for me to do, and I am likely to use that approach again many times in the future, but today I felt that I wanted to make myself do

I feel quite good about the work I accomplished today.  I wrote four new poems, and I think that two or three of them have really got potential. One may be pretty close to done already, if I am honest.  It was a rather hard piece to write, as it is about my Dad's funeral, but I think it may be something of value.  I don't know, honestly, as it might be too simple and straightforward, but it may also work for that.  Sometimes, what is most powerful is just that sort of plain honesty, and this is a pretty simple and unadorned piece about mourning, so I think it is possible it has a power others will sense from that.   It felt right in a way, and it is not always easy to feel that when writing about things that are so loaded.  The other pieces I wrote today also are possibly of value, but I am thinking they will need more work, honestly.  Again, I am feeling good to be stretching into a number of places with my work these days.  I am finding that I enjoy writing these strange li

I wrote three new poems today, two of which I think have some potential.  I am not certain about the third, but that is quite good on average, really, and I am happy if I feel that two out of three of the poems I am working on are even decent.  In truth, none of them are probably brilliant, at the moment, but they are all worthwhile.  Of them, I do believe one has something, but I may be wrong.  I don't know if it will connect or seem a bit cryptic instead.  The point is, though, that I am happy with the work I am doing.  As I said last night, I think my pushing to get more work done is making some part of my brain light up with more inspiration.  It seems to me that it is worth pushing to be in this kind of creative mode, of keeping going each day and not stopping for a break, at least for me, because it does result in the opening up of some mental space that is dedicated to this sort of work.  In some sense, I think of it, really, as being as if I am showing a part of myself

A lot of the poems I write are not ones that I think have a great deal of merit, and it is often hard to get myself to keep going on a day when I am feeling less than inspired and the few pieces I have are not particularly worthwhile.  However, I also think I need those times, because I am not always thinking the way I need to in order to compose poetry.  It is a specific mode of thought and certain way of considering language, and it can often be hard to get to that place.  As I said, my approach is to be patient in waiting for something to happen.  This waiting works, but can result in tried and silly concepts at times.  It does not guarantee the work will be great, but I know the odds of getting something decent go up the more I actually write.  As well, I also am realizing that often it is necessary to write those other pieces to get the ideas to come through.  In a way, it is like priming a pump before using the water, to make sure it is running clean.   In a way, writing the ju

I didn't get back to work on the play, but I did write my poems today. The pace I am going with poetry is quite something, I think, and I feel very glad to be at this point again.  It really feels as though some creative rejuvenation has occurred, and I am very glad for it.  Now, that doesn't mean there isn't work and discipline, but what really amazes me is the feeling of getting more creative energy back from whatever I put in. In essence, I am saying that the more I make myself do the work, the more work I feel ready to do, and the more often ideas seem to just come to me.  I can be anyplace now, and suddenly my brain starts to compose.  Usually, that is not going to get to the page, but that is largely fine.  I am sure that I have a few poems that never got written, even some that were potentially quite good, but the more important thing is that my brain is ready for this work in a way that wasn't always true. In some sense, it is the feeling that inspiration re

I drove down to Miami for that writing group and shared the play I am currently putting together, and feel quite encouraged.  The piece is still quite new, but I felt that the response was very positive for something so fresh and raw. As well,  I wrote three new poems.  Not quite my usual four of late, but I can maybe give a break on that considering the drive to that writing.  It was a long evening, and I am rather exhausted, but I can probably make up for the poem I didn't write today, by doing a bit more work tomorrow.  As well, I am going to continue work on that play, and that is a very positive result of attending the group, I think. 

I am going to keep this short, as it is already after 2 in the morning, and I should be in bed.  I've got four new poems written, and also picked several I think are probably ready to go.  One of the bunch I may take another look at, but I think the rest are already in shape to go out.  I am quite excited about that, but I am also taking my time to think about what to do with which ones. I've got a lot of work that I need to look through and decide what to focus on revising and what is ready to go, and of course, what should be set aside, if only, for now.

I wrote four new poems today and feel quite good about that.  I am hoping to get back to work on that play tomorrow, and have actually been thinking about it a lot in the last several days, even though I didn't work on it directly yet.  Tuesday, I think I may go down to that writing group in Miami, especially as there is not one here in Boca this week.  I think it is worth taking a look at it with the group and seeing what people think of the part I have already.  I will have to make the font larger, so it may be long enough, but I am interested in keeping going with it. Anyhow, I am feeling rather good about the work I'm doing, I just want to get myself going in terms of submissions for publishing.  I'm ready in so many ways, and it is a very important thing, but getting past some of the fears is difficult.  My experiences with agents have been largely positive, but still not yet fruitful, and that is a bit frustrating.  I am suspect to a lot of self-doubt, and even know

I woke around six this morning to begin work on the seder dinner for tonight.  Passover in my family involves a great many complicated family recipes, which I love, but which are a fair amount of work...  It's a lot to make, and I didn't get as much of a chance to get ahead for this dinner, as I was making a lot of food for last night to bring to my cousin's house.  Anyhow, it went well, but I am exhausted.  Still, I managed to get a fair amount of writing done, still, with three new poems, although one is quite short and I am uncertain about it.  In all honesty, I think it needs to be just a bit longer.   I am rather excited about the other two poems that I wrote, though, and think they are working in ways that are very interesting.  I've got a log of ideas to play with these days in terms of poetry, and am really looking forwards to getting things going.  I have much to think about and do, and will discuss more of that soon, but for now, I am going to get off here so

I've been quite busy prepping for Passover.  Tonight, Melissa and I went to see family, but I did do a bunch of cooking.  Tomorrow we are hosting, and it is going to mean even more work.  So, I am going to bed early tonight and will keep this short. I did get three poems today, even with all the work going on.  I am hoping to get at least two tomorrow, with one in the morning being the more difficult challenge, since I'll be busy during much of the day, but I think it I will make it.  I'm not going to give myself permission to blow it off, because I want to do it, and I believe I can, even when things are busy. Generally, I feel pretty good about today, and I think that things are still moving in a positive direction on numerous levels for me right now.  I feel as though I am making progress in a number of ways, and that has not always been true for me over the years.  It may have taken me some time, but I think I am really getting myself on course.

Though I am exhausted and stressed and feeling rather behind on things that I must do, I am also aware of a number of very positive decisions I made today that I feel reflect the changes I've talked about wanting to make.  I only wrote two poems today, but I feel it was a positive day in general, and can excuse the minimal amount of writing, considering the amount of other stuff I was doing.  Anyhow, I am rather exhausted, so I am going to keep this short and get myself to bed...

I think that the efforts I am making in terms of changing my attitude about certain things is starting to make a difference.  Certain choices that I made tonight felt like they were in the right direction, and the fact that I feel positive about making those decisions is reinforcing the shift in thinking that led to this new behavior.  Anyhow, it feels as if I am moving forwards towards being more the kind of person that I want to be. Writing is also going quite well.  I've got a bunch of poems that I think are actually ready to get out there, and I need to start submitting them.  I am hoping that will also give me a boost in terms of getting my other work out there.  My novel has a great deal of merit, certainly, but I also recognize that it may be easier if I have a bit of credit already established, even if it is as a poet. In any event, I wrote three or four new pieces today, and am rather happy with some of what I produced.  I am finding that I can really push myself no

I feel rather good about today in general.  I wrote three or four new poems.  It seems a good thing to me when I lose count of the exact number, to be honest.  It is like I am doing enough to not need to pay that much attention to it in some way, and that is good.  As well, I got back to work on that play, and feel that I have a rather strong concept of where things are going.  There is a great deal that I want to do in it, and I think I have a good idea of things that need to be done, both going forwards and as I revise what I have already written. In terms of going forwards, I think that I know what is about to transpire and am actually quite excited at writing that exchange.  In it, one of the two characters will be revealed a bit, in a way that should be sort of surprising.  I'm also aware that I need to do some work to build up the world around the play, which I started but didn't continue enough.  It is something that I can add in as I work, to give dimension to the pie

I've gotten four new poems out today, which seems pretty good to me. I am not sure how I feel about them in all, really, but that is not the point.  In many ways, I am doing so much writing and it is getting me to places I've not been before, in ways that are not always going to be immediately fruitful.  Yet, these acts do much in a larger sense, not only in terms of what I may learn from a particular piece of writing, or even what is developed by my awareness that I can write so readily and with such consistency through time.  Beyond this, I am also gaining much just through having the practice of writing at such a pace.  It is adding more to my mental map of language in a very real sense, and I can feel how I am often thinking about words in different ways as a writer. I do need to do more work on that play.  I still have the same goal for it as I did yesterday, and I am going to make getting to work on it a priority for tomorrow, even with many other things I need to accom

Another somewhat trying day, though I am hoping that maybe I am learning from it.  I'm attempting to at least let things go quicker, and bounce back sooner, even if I am not always able to do it in the moment.  Ut dies feel like progress, though... I wrote three new poems and feel good about that.  It's a lot more than I had done at one point, and I am kind of happy to feel to think that it is now like I am slacking to some extent.  I do need to work on that play, and though I didn't write anything for it today, i am contemplating it and have a lot in my head that I think is going to work into it.  I am, I think, doing a lot of the work, just not yet on paper.  I am planning on changing that in the next day, though... Want to get to bed extra early tonight, as I have had a long day and not great sleep...

Today was a less productive day than I have had in a bit, though I still wrote two new poems.  It is funny to me that two poems now feels somewhat lazy, when it was not that long ago that I thought writing a single poem each day to be a commitment of some difficulty.  It is a very positive change in my thinking, and one I cannot take for granted at all. I need to get back to work on that play as well, but I am not worried, as I do think I am onto something with it, and have an opportunity to share it soon, as well, even as I am still in progress writing more.  I want to get another four or five pages in the next couple of days.  I think it will be doable, and I have a lot of thoughts about it in my mind. In other fronts, I am recognizing the challenge of attempting to make the positive changes I discussed, but I think that I am becoming self-aware even in the moment, and that is helping me to make progress.  I need to be a bit more resilient, really, and am working towards that.

I continued work on that play script, and I think I have some sense of what it is building towards, though the idea is still a bit strange and I am thinking it may be a bit dry in terms of the writing at present.  All that will work out, I think, once I have a bit more of a sense of what I am doing in the arc of it, but right now I can see some of how it is developing and certain tensions that are bubbling up in ways that may be really fun. As well, I did write several new poems.  I think that I am doing some really interesting work in that regard, and some of what I am writing feels rather strange to me in ways I hadn't quite expected.  I'm feeling a lack of certainty about some of this new work, really, but that's probably a sign of my doing work that is important for me in some sense.  I mean, it seems to me that I should be pushing and stretching myself to write and do work that goes beyond what I've been capable of before, and that might mean doing things that fr

I am going to keep it short today, but I am still working to figure out how I can be more of the person I want to be.  Certain thoughts are beginning to percolate that I think may be positive but they are still unformed at this point.  It is something that I am not turning away from, though, and I know I can make real change in my life, I've done it in terms of writing already. Today, I did get a lot of work done, writing three or four new poems and several pages of a new play I am excited about.  I am not really certain where it is going yet, but the dialogue so far is really interesting and fun.  I just don't have much in terms of a plot at the moment, but that is kind of alright for what I am doing.  I don't think it is boring, and there is something developing in it, certainly.  The general premise is fairly simple, but I think I'm getting a lot to come from it.  I did, also, keep up on the poetry, even as I began that work, so I feel very good about things on tha

I have had a rather fraught day, but I am hopeful that maybe it will be a positive turning point.  For once, I am recognizing certain things and attempting to face them.  I've got to make a lot of changes in my life, and I am in the process of doing that, to some extent, already, but I really came to understand today that I am not at all who I want to be in many ways, and I really need to change that.  I think I may be ready to.  Maybe this is the first step, but I am not going to go easy on myself about it.  Honestly, while I don't want to get into specifics, I do need to acknowledge that I've been hurtful to people I care about and feel incredibly bad about that.  I"m lucky that I have people who care enough about me to be forgiving, but that does not excuse any of it, and I am facing that. One aspect of change that I have made which I think is helping facilitate the rest of this process, is the work I am doing as a poet and writer.  I've done four new poems to

Writing so much poetry seems somewhat impossible to me.  I mean, I am producing something like four or so new poems each day, and sure, I am aware that many are not gems, I am still getting a fair amount of good work.  Even some that starts out in less that great shape is likely to help spur on better work. It may be through revision, or it may just be that I decide to explore an idea in an alternative way as a result. At the same time, I want to acknowledge that a part of me has concerns about writing this much.  Of course, some of that is to do with the question of how long I can keep this up for, and that is a reasonable question, but I am not worried about it.  I mean, maybe I can do this for a limited time, and if so, I am better off getting the most I can from it and not worrying about when it will end, right?  Beyond this, though, even assuming I can actually keep this pace up forever, some small part of me wonders if I am losing something by writing so much.  That idea is st

Some days it does still feel a bit like I am forcing myself to do the work.  I mean, I do not immediately sit down and find a poem waiting, but I must, instead, wait until it appears.  It is a matter, often, of patience: if I sit quietly and refuse to do anything but the writing, it will happen.  This is a common thing for writers, I think: do not let anything distract you, but instead just be patient and do nothing until the writing happens.  It is a matter, I think, of convincing the muse (for lack of a better term) that you are serious and will do the work.  It is a test of sorts and the way to pass is through not flinching. Knowing that is the real trick should make it a lot easier.  I should just force myself to sit at the desk with a document open and wait, then just work and when I stop, do the same again.  I am sure I would get to a point where that actually worked.  Maybe I will do it one day, but for now, I am quite glad to be writing three or more poems a day.  I think thr

Going to keep it short today, as I had a very long and busy day.  I attended an open mic this afternoon and read a few newer pieces.  I felt pretty good about the way that went, generally.  Also, I wrote three new poems.  Again, I am really thinking that I'm in a very positive place with my creativity, especially in terms of connecting to that creative energy daily.  Engaging with my poetic imagination each day has a broad impact, I think, in terms of not just how I feel, but how I think and process the world around me.  It is very hard to express the feelings that it brings up to find that I am in a creative mode that I have not really felt I had access to.  Something feels rejuvenated and I am extremely grateful.

I feel very much like I've reopened a deep creative vein that once flowed inside me and has been long dormant.  Writing a poem a day has blossomed into many poems poring forth throughout the day, and I am feeling incredibly rewarded by that, though I still want to be doing more...  I think that is largely a function of my desire to get the work out there.  Once I'm in the process of getting work published and building a portfolio and career, well, I think I'll be in a very different mood about some of this.  I do want to get more going than just poetry, but I think it is important to focus in on the work that I am doing now.  I mean, if I am writing poetry at the level I am now, and I mean that in terms of an amalgam of quality and quantity, then I think it is an important thing to allow to happen.  Poetry is important, both in terms of the role it plays for me, and in general.  I know that I have a deep need to explore poetry in a way that I didn't indulge for a long

I am going to keep tonight short, as it has been a long and somewhat frustrating day, and I am almost falling asleep as I write this.  I did get three new poems drafted, and I also started looking at some of the work I want to start getting ready for submissions.  I think I'm getting to the point where I can send the stuff out, which essentially is a matter of feeling that I have enough "finished" work to make a packet or two.  I feel pretty close to that with a lot of the work I'm doing now, actually, and I feel that a lot of it is worth-while and will find a home.

Today has been another truly productive writing day.  I have four new poems, and I am also starting work on a piece of fiction that I think may have some promise.  I am not really certain where it is going, but I had the idea and I realized that I should just take action with it, as I would with a new poem.  I think that is the real key, and I am going to try to keep it in mind that I must take my ideas seriously in these ways. I think of the idea that beginning a thing is a magical act, as well.  I mean by this that I feel the act of starting the project so immediately upon thinking it up imbues it with a certain power.  In part, it is the urgent energy, but it is also that taking action is the way of showing that the idea is being taken seriously.  By beginning to write, I am showing a commitment to the work and to the inspiration.  I am hoping that attitude will help me gain the kind of prolific pace I believe I could be capable of.  Honestly, if I were to spend my day entirely j

I wrote three new poems today, and also did a lot of work on a personal essay that I am considering putting online.  I don't want to get into the whole thing here, but it was a rather productive piece of work, I think, though I am sure that it still needs quite a bit of work.  I do want to get back to work on some of the other materials that I've been contemplating, but I feel that it is important I recognize just how much work I've really been doing of late.  I mean, it has been a long time since i wrote poetry with any regularity, and now I am really back in the swing of things with it.  It was not that long ago that I wrote in this blog about the difficulties I had getting to work on it, and I am going to admit that it is still a lot of work, much of the time..  The most important thing is often just sitting and being willing to do nothing else.  That is not always easy, but it is what must happen to do the work. Tonight, for example, I knew I wanted to write a poem,

It is funny that I feel like a bit of a slacker having only written three poems today, when that would have been a triumph many day's before.  I think it is probably good that I can build that type of mentality, and that I am also becoming more and more capable of just making myself sit down to do the work.  I need to be able to switch modes more easily, but that is a different issue, though it is likely why I am not as successful right now in working on a new novel, despite having a good idea which I like.  I am in a different place in my creativity, and it can be a challenge shifting.  Writing a play I can approach as writing poetry, in a way, and that has given me access to that medium within this same creative move.  Prose of the sort a novel requires is quite a different thing, at least for me. There is a value in having that feeling that I should be doing more work, in that it does keep inspiration up, but I want to also have an acknowledgement that I am doing a lot more wo

I am going to keep it short tonight, as I am rather exhausted, but I did two poems, worked a bit on the new play and also began the novel, if only in a symbolic sense.  I didn't do a lot of work on the last, but I started it and think that will be enough to commit me to continuing in the morning.  For now, I am heading off so I can get some decent sleep, or at least have a fair try.