A Writer's Notebook, Day Two-Hundred-And-Seventy-Nine

I feel quite happy with my writing today.  I wrote four or five poems, and at least two, possibly even three, excite me.  That is actually not the right description, but I can't think of a better word than "excite".  It is more that they feel like poems and not like exercises in poetry, which is a very subtle distinction that I can't really describe more clearly.  It is not a quality in the work, but instead a feeling I get afterwards.  While I am working, I don't usually have much sense of things one way or another, as far as that goes, though there are certainly occasions when I feel very inspired and that energy certainly goes into the work, and makes it obvious to me that I am doing something "real" for lack of a better word.  The truth is that it does excite me to write poems that I look at and feel are worthwhile as things and not merely as part of a process, but that excitement is a response and not the initial feeling.

I do wish that I had a way to more directly consider the qualities of the work that achieves that "real poem" aspect that I respond to.  I am not sure I really can or should understand that process totally, but, on the other hand, I can also see how having a real sense of those qualities might help me to pinpoint what I should be writing.  If I had a set of such qualities to consider, it would allow me to see in advance whether I would think a piece was more than just an exercise.

Of course, I may also be wrong about the pieces and their values.  Certainly, once my work is published, especially if I gain any recognition with my work, the work in question will be looked over and considered, and it may gain an import or be deemed more valid than my own instinct would suggest.  It is always possible that the work is great, but I am not able to see that for one reason or another.  Indeed, I would suspect that it is a mix where some of the pieces are what I think, while others have merit I didn't note myself.  I say this not to be egotistical, but rather to recognize that I am a terrible judge of quality for much of my own writing.  I find it often is impossible for me to get a clear sense of my own work, so it is probable that I am misjudging some of that work at least.

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