A Writer's Notebook, Day Sixty-Eight

I  feel quite good about the work that I am doing on the novel at the moment.  As mentioned, I have doubts about it on some level, but I am also thrilling in the creation of it.  The book is shaping itself in ways that I'd not really thought of, and I can see more about the ending and what is happening than I had thought.

The section I wrote today feels like it really is opening up the concepts that are already in the works, and in ways that felt more subtle and evenly paced than I might have anticipated.  Their are ideas being set up to allow for an easing of other ideas to come in, and yet I had not really begun with those thoughts in mind.

In some sense, I feel like I am reading the book myself, at the moment.  The words are flowing and the ideas seem to already be ready, just waiting for the opportunity to leap onto the page.  That is the great joy that can be found when one is deep into the writing and it is going well.  Of course, what really seems frightening about that is the question of whether the feeling reflects the quality of the work, or just the sense of doing it.

I do feel that the story has a lot that is compelling about it, and I sense that what is happening in this portion will be very important for how well it works as a whole.  It seems to me that I am in a good place, and that I already have a lot of thoughts about what will improve the book beyond what is coming.  I do feel that the ending will be spectacular, and will recontextualize the rest of the story. 

What is most fun for me, at this point, is that I do have a deep sense of what is coming, even if not in specific, and so I am watching how it unfolds and am constantly finding little surprises.  Today, a bit that came because I was not certain about how to move forwards, which was just about how difficult it was to find the stairs in a building, became expanded in a way that led, perfectly, to the characters being trapped, and the signs being so hard to read became more than just bad design.  As well, a bit that occurred further in, with the characters being forced into a situation, included a piece that will allow them to ask the right question. 

That right question will facilitate introducing certain elements into the center of the narrative, and will do so in a way that makes helps to also connect it with what has been happening already.  As well, the character that is going to be introduced here is a central figure in the ending of the story, though she is just emerging now.  In some ways, she has been involved all along, just not directly, and now we are going to have a chance, with her in the novel finally, to reveal a lot of the secrets that have been buried underneath the surface of the book.

This is all to say, really, that the section today was a connection from where I am to the point that I can see coming, and an important one.  In some ways, not much really occurred yet.  The character's just went to an office that was difficult to find, with a bit in the office as well.  But, all of it, even the facts around it being difficult to find, seems significant.  Many little things are at work in this section, I think, and I don't know all of them yet, but I have a strong and positive sense at present.  That is not about the overall quality of the work, really, but about the consistency or at least constancy of my writing.

I do believe it to be well written in the most general sense.  It is not a book that lacks for style or voice, and has a developed use of language.  At the same time, it also may have some issues in terms of structure and their may be some thematic elements that would be worth carrying through the book.  For example, a question about one character's sanity was raised, but since that, as things have gotten to a point where the world of the story is crazy, that has not been an issue.  I do see it coming back, though, in a way, and having a sort of resolution.  It might be better for some touches to be added that keep the idea alive that the other characters still carry this worry.  I do not think it will need to be much, in terms of that, but I know it may be necessary.  

The more concerning questions for me are about whether the reader will trust the book, as much is thrown in at the beginning and many might not trust that it would all be dealt with satisfactorily.  I think I can do that, and in a way that creates a surprising end with more depth and resonance than a book like this would seem to be would normally command.  I say that because I think it is not the sort of book it started out being, and that the ending will be more commensurate with what it has become and is becoming.  I don't really know the end, in specific, yet, but I have a strong sense of the different pieces that will collide within it, and what needs to be in place to get there.  If the beginning is working well enough to keep the reader strapped in through the ride, I think it will be quite rewarding.  Of course, that is, in part, a push for confidence in the work.

What matters to me most, though, is what is happening already, and that is the many threads that I thought were not going to fit together, all being so perfectly designed for this particular pattern.  I don't get tired of admiring that magic.  It is, though, also, the proof that the ideas a writer has come from the writing that they do, and not the other way around.  The words want to come out, and they need the ideas, so that will be taken care of. 

In the end, the ultimate thing that keeps me, as well, on track and in good spirits, even with concerns about the book, and would do so for me even if I felt, at present, worse than I had in the last week or two, is the knowledge that each time I am able to complete a work, I have learned more of this craft.  Writing a novel takes work, and understanding, but it becomes easier to see it in your mind with practice, and to trust the process as well.  For me, that is what this is all about, and at the end, I think I might have a novel that I am proud of as well.