A Writer's Notebook, Day Seventy
I think that freeing myself from concern about the deadline has been good. I'm now at 62,500 words exactly, and feel that a lot of things are becoming clear to me. In some ways, what is unfolding has surprised me, and it reveals things that I didn't quite understand, which seems to me to be a very positive thing. I have a strong sense that what is coming will be far more complicated than I anticipate, in terms of some of the plot, but it is really coming along, and I feel much more enthused as to the writing. To whit, I am not feeling that sense of dread that was hanging about me before.
Of course, I'm still hoping that I will be done by in the next few days, but I am alright if not, and can accept that while recognizing that I have done a great deal already. I expect that I will spend much time tomorrow at work on the book, though, and am quite hopeful for that. I feel that I could jump back in right at this moment, honestly, but am a bit tired, and want to let myself get to bed. If this repeats, though, I will not do that tomorrow and will instead keep going no matter the time.
Right now, I feel that I can do a bit of thinking, though. As I mentioned, I have come to understand things a bit more clearly, and some details have shifted about, others have filled in entirely, and some have become very clear in surprising ways. I don't know all of it, still, but I feel equipped for it when I get there, and I sense that it will not be so difficult to discover it when the time comes.
Some scenes, I only can write with that kind of energy. They have to unfold entirely as they hit the keyboard, others may be far more clear to me. Many are in between. It may well be that I get a much clearer sense of the ending, but it may not. I know that it will not be entirely positive in any event, and there are a few different possibilities that are in my head for some of it already.
Mostly, I am sure that what will happen will be rather ambiguous in a way that is also going to be rather concrete, strangely enough. I have a sense of how to do something that I cannot think of having been done before in this particular way, and I think that it may be very exciting if it works out properly.
Now, of course, that ending is complex and relies on many things. Some of it is going to be little tricks, including pronoun use. Also, it will be important to have the text work in a way that is both similar and different from the rest of the text, and I am excited about that challenge. It will also allow me to explore aspects of narrative voice that have been present in this book but held back until the climax.
I actually expect that this may make it necessary to look at the rest of the book so I can make certain that I am capturing these aspects properly, even when more muted. It's easy to see that their is a lot of work that will need to be done, even after I complete this draft. For one thing, I have not split the book up at all. At this point, it is continuous, though I can see places for possible breaks that might exist. I really need to determine what the chapter breaks will demarcate in this book, I think, but I can do that when I read it later. I am not certain whether I want longer chapters here or shorter ones. A part of me thinks it may work best in a few longer sections. Once I get to the end, I may have a clearer sense of all of this, though, as the ending is likely to make it far clearer to me what I have been doing here,
In terms of the book, I also feel that I sorted out some of the smaller technical problems that I was encountering, in terms of how I wanted information to unfold. In some ways, this book is very much about these kinds of revelations, and they have been on the edges of the book. In some ways, characters have already hinted at this information obliquely, and those initial references are now, in some ways, being subverted through the revelations. Their is a lot being revealed in the current scene that goes beyond just the text of what is being revealed, but also in the nature of the character telling the story. While this particular individual has only recently entered the story, they reveal much which is connected to the villains in the story, allowing them to be seen more clearly, I hope.
Now, all of that is stuff that I hadn't been expecting. I didn't know how this information would come to be revealed, and some of the information is not what expected, and also helps to clarify other issues in the story for me. I still have really important choices that need to be made, and now they are far clearer to me. I'm also recognizing some of the difficulties that I will encounter in setting this in motion and transitioning the text in a way that is clear in the telling, a way that is clear and direct even though it is doing something very unusual and complicated. I still feel that I am more aware of that challenge than ever before, and I have a clear sense of the opening action.
Of course, I'm still hoping that I will be done by in the next few days, but I am alright if not, and can accept that while recognizing that I have done a great deal already. I expect that I will spend much time tomorrow at work on the book, though, and am quite hopeful for that. I feel that I could jump back in right at this moment, honestly, but am a bit tired, and want to let myself get to bed. If this repeats, though, I will not do that tomorrow and will instead keep going no matter the time.
Right now, I feel that I can do a bit of thinking, though. As I mentioned, I have come to understand things a bit more clearly, and some details have shifted about, others have filled in entirely, and some have become very clear in surprising ways. I don't know all of it, still, but I feel equipped for it when I get there, and I sense that it will not be so difficult to discover it when the time comes.
Some scenes, I only can write with that kind of energy. They have to unfold entirely as they hit the keyboard, others may be far more clear to me. Many are in between. It may well be that I get a much clearer sense of the ending, but it may not. I know that it will not be entirely positive in any event, and there are a few different possibilities that are in my head for some of it already.
Mostly, I am sure that what will happen will be rather ambiguous in a way that is also going to be rather concrete, strangely enough. I have a sense of how to do something that I cannot think of having been done before in this particular way, and I think that it may be very exciting if it works out properly.
Now, of course, that ending is complex and relies on many things. Some of it is going to be little tricks, including pronoun use. Also, it will be important to have the text work in a way that is both similar and different from the rest of the text, and I am excited about that challenge. It will also allow me to explore aspects of narrative voice that have been present in this book but held back until the climax.
I actually expect that this may make it necessary to look at the rest of the book so I can make certain that I am capturing these aspects properly, even when more muted. It's easy to see that their is a lot of work that will need to be done, even after I complete this draft. For one thing, I have not split the book up at all. At this point, it is continuous, though I can see places for possible breaks that might exist. I really need to determine what the chapter breaks will demarcate in this book, I think, but I can do that when I read it later. I am not certain whether I want longer chapters here or shorter ones. A part of me thinks it may work best in a few longer sections. Once I get to the end, I may have a clearer sense of all of this, though, as the ending is likely to make it far clearer to me what I have been doing here,
In terms of the book, I also feel that I sorted out some of the smaller technical problems that I was encountering, in terms of how I wanted information to unfold. In some ways, this book is very much about these kinds of revelations, and they have been on the edges of the book. In some ways, characters have already hinted at this information obliquely, and those initial references are now, in some ways, being subverted through the revelations. Their is a lot being revealed in the current scene that goes beyond just the text of what is being revealed, but also in the nature of the character telling the story. While this particular individual has only recently entered the story, they reveal much which is connected to the villains in the story, allowing them to be seen more clearly, I hope.
Now, all of that is stuff that I hadn't been expecting. I didn't know how this information would come to be revealed, and some of the information is not what expected, and also helps to clarify other issues in the story for me. I still have really important choices that need to be made, and now they are far clearer to me. I'm also recognizing some of the difficulties that I will encounter in setting this in motion and transitioning the text in a way that is clear in the telling, a way that is clear and direct even though it is doing something very unusual and complicated. I still feel that I am more aware of that challenge than ever before, and I have a clear sense of the opening action.
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