Poem: I have considered it all



I have considered it all

but it is not as if
I have taken the needed steps,
not all the steps, anyhow.
I did a few things
but I did not do
all the things.
It is fear.  I admit that.
I am timid, maybe,
or is that just a way
to be shy about saying
it scares me?  I suppose
it is the same thing,
but saying that
makes me uncomfortable
since I rely on words
to be different
even if they mean
almost the same thing.
How is that
the thing I come to?
I had a point
and a place I was aimed
and all of it evaporates
because I distract myself
with a bit of nonsense.
It is words, at least,
which should matter
to me, I know, and do,
I would say, but
still, I had a reason
when I started this,
or I think I did.
I begin to think
it must not
have mattered much,
considering.
That could be
ego or some such
mechanism of self-
preservation.  I don't
know.  It is just
that I don't care
all that much any longer.

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