Poem: I do not like to do it but I can if needed

I do not like to do it but I can if needed

It is just slow
and unpleasant
and takes an effort
of will, but I can do it
and will be fine.
I don't mean that
in a stoic way.
I know you 
realize that
because you know
I am not stoic
or good at stoicism,
not in general,
so I am being honest
that I can do it.
I am capable.
I wish
I felt I could say that
and not need
to be so defensive
but I make a point
of protecting myself
from so many things
and then I realize
maybe it is not always
what I need most.
But, also, it must be
my own choice
and my own terms,
or it becomes something else.
I cannot explain better.
I am only able
to say this much,
but it is honest,
which seems significant.
I do not know
if I understood before.
I don't know
what changed
or how if it is new
or if it came to be this
because I thought of it
in a new way.
Those are all possible,
or I think they are
which is similar
if not the same.

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