Poem: I do not want you to talk with her about it

I do not want you to talk with her about it

I thought I told you that,
but now it is too late
and you asked
and I need you
to not have done that
because the answer
was cruel
and not acceptable
and that it was the answer
is a reason for me
to feel worse,
to feel like I
am being pushed away
and told I am 
not family any longer.
I don't have
a way to survive this.
I did not want you
to talk with her,
that needs to be understood
and you need
to fix it.  You did this
and it hurts me
that you did it
and that is not fair,
I know it is not fair.
You didn't mean harm,
you were helping
by taking responsibility
for finding things out
and I am not alright 
with you having asked,
I won't be alright
in the aftermath
of you having asked.
But you did it
and I am not certain
how to deal with that
or that I can. 
It is not alright.
I don't know
what to say or do
but it is not alright.
I can't deal
with another thing
that is not alright
which can't be changed.
It needs to not be this way,
but it is too late
for it to be 
any other way.
I need you
to understand
and do something
to fix this.
I need it fixed.
Even if it cannot be,
if it is impossible.
I don't care
if I am being
unreasonable 
or demanding magic,
demanding the world
not be the world that it is.
I do not care.
I need to be alright,
at least a bit.
I need that
or I don't know.
I don't think
there is any alternative.
I don't think I can take this,
it is too much.
It was already too much
and this is more.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Poem: Neighborhood Inhabitants

Neighborhood Inhabitants There was a fox once, and another time, otters, and now a peacock that we think got lost during one of the storms. She stays down on the other end of the street, though, does not visit us. We have a racoon family that stays in our tree some nights, and there is a baby lizard, a brown basilisk, who we have seen several times. It is not supposed to be here, is invasive and troublesome to the local ecosystem, as are the duck.  I hear there are giant snails now who eat stucco or concrete or something of that sort. I have not seen one, though, I just heard they are here and big as my fist.
Read more

A Writer's Notebook, One-Thousand-Eight-Hundred-And-Seventy-Three

I am still finding it difficult to get back to a more productive work schedule at the moment.  In part, I am sure it is that I gave myself permission to slack off a bit, and it is difficult to walk that back, especially because I am still writing and being productive, even if not to the same degree. I know it would be good to get back to doing more writing, but I also know that I am still meeting my core obligations, even if at a more minimal level.  Really, I just need to make the choice and force myself to stick to it.  To that end, I am planning to at least get back to work on my longer projects again tomorrow, even if I don't increase the poetry output right away.
Read more

A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Three

I received my acceptance to attend workshop at the Palm Beach Poetry Festival next year and am very excited to be working with Matthew Olzmann, a poet whose work I have admired for some time.  He has a rare capacity for being simultaneously absurd and serious in ways that are hysterical, but with devastating insights underneath.  I feel quite fortunate to have the PBPF, and can say, honestly, that each workshop I have attended there has been incredible.  As a person who has taken many workshops in my life, and who often finds them wanting, I am always astounded at the caliber of the classes at the festival, both in the instruction and in the community of poets I have encountered.  I only wish it could be more than just one week out of the year.
Read more