Poem: I gave in again

I gave in again

I regretted it
even before it happened.
I know that is strange,
maybe it is good
and a sign
that it will change,
that this is not
the beginning
of my regression
but a shift, 
a chance to reaffirm.
That is a lie, of course,
or not a lie, really,
but it will not be that.
I do not know
what will come
but I should not pretend
this is anything good.
That is just my ego
making excuses.
I should forgive it
for offering protection,
but I don't need protection,
not that sort, anyhow.
I need to face the truth
and make the choice
to do better 
and not make excuses.

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