Poem: I Want to Believe It Can Change

I Want to Believe It Can Change

and that things can get better.
Hope feels like it should be good,
but I am afraid of it, really,
am afraid it is not enough,
is just wishing and waiting.
I don't want it to be about hoping.
That is too uncertain
and I have bad luck, anyhow.
Hope has been a losing strategy for me
and I need to find a way that is better,
that makes it possible to do more than just hope
but to do something to change it.
I don't want to hope for it to be better,
I want to have a way to fix it.
The problem is, I am always told
there is not a way to do that,
that the only possibility
is being lucky.  I can't have that
be the only option.
I can't keep waiting and hoping.
The only thing worse than waiting and hoping
would be giving up altogether,
would be not trying at all.
I need a way to change the things
that cannot be changed 
by anything I can do.

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