A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-Three-Hundred-And-Ninety-Three

I received a rejection today.  It is the first to arrive in quite a while.  To be honest, I haven't been sending out work as regularly as I should be, or as much as I would like.  I find it a difficult thing to do in various ways, and so I put it off way too much. This was a long overdue response, and I hadn't been prepared for it.  It was probably a tiered rejection, I think, as it did request more work in the future, so I should feel a bit positive about it, I suppose, but that is never the way it goes for me.  I know that there are numerous philosophies and perspectives, but they all fall a bit flat for me.  I just feel rejected when it happens, in all sorts of ways.  I am not good at dealing with it, and it bothers me enough that I don't think it is at all good for me.  I have tried to develop ways of being more resilient and have attempted to look at it in other ways that might help to make it easier, but that doesn't seem to do me much good, at least not so far.  I don't know that it is something that will ever shift for me.  It always hits me too hard, and I think it always will.  It just feels like another overwhelming and impossible situation that has me trapped right now.    Maybe it is just the fact that I have so much that hasn't been going well for me.  I am too worn out and don't have any resilience for this.  The problem is, the only solutions I can imagine involve things changing in ways I cannot control.

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