Poem: I Am Not Finding Those Answers

I Am Not Finding Those Answers

You asked me to find it,
to seek inside myself
the possibility, but
I cannot.  It is not there.
I think I cannot be helped.
I know it is not right,
that I am not alright
and nothing is getting better.
I know.  I do not have answers.
You do not have them, either.
You asked me to seek inside myself,
to find the way it can be different,
to find a change I can make to it
that is within myself.  It is not there.
Maybe, I am a fool, or choosing this.
It is possible.  I can be stubborn, I know,
can be the obstacle I stumble over,
have tripped on my own foot more than once,
not only as a metaphor.  
Still, I do not know what I can do.
I will not accept these things,
that they are this way is not acceptable
and to remain in this situation
is never a choice for me,
is only a prison.  I need a choice
to not be in this situation
and that is not a choice I can make,
is not a thing that I can choose, can change.
The only thing worse than fighting it
is to stop fighting it, to give up.
You asked me what keeps me going,
maybe it is the resisting,
is the fighting to have better.
I think, if I do not have that
and things are still this way,
I have nothing at all.

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