Poem: I Want To Believe It Is Not Already Too Broken

I Want To Believe It Is Not Already Too Broken

Each time there is an annoyance
it is time for him to say he is through
and that it is not at all working or good,
that it is over, a waste, not worth an effort.
He is not committed if it will be work,
if it requires more than arriving and being,
if he cannot do nothing and have everything.
He does not think he is being unreasonable.
I've made a choice to try, to commit to trying
and he is always ready to explode into rage
or vanish or just stop it all, just run from it
and blame me for the failure. 
He claims to care, to want to do better
but he will not commit.  He will not say
he is committed to seeing this through.
No: the moment it becomes uncertain
he threatens and cajoles.  He knows
it will scare me.  It is a manipulation
because I am the one committed to this.
He betrayed me and threw the world into chaos
and I have never found my way back,
have never been alright since.  It is not good,
I am not doing well, and he knows.
He knows I am not alright at all,
knows he has left me with no choices,
and so he will not do more 
than just enough to say he is trying,
just enough to demand it go well,
because otherwise he will do nothing
and I will still be trapped here anyway.

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