A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-Two-Hundred-And-Thirteen

For the first time in a long while I was able to spend a bit of time alone with my mother and actually felt I was able to talk with her about certain things.  It has been very strained between her and I, and that has been true for some time, but today felt positive.  I vented about a number of things that are going on, and it was the first time that I didn't feel as if she just hand waved it away or became immediately hostile.  I don't know what it means, to be honest, but it is the first time I have any sense that she is open to change in a real sense.  Some of it was very particular, to be honest, and I don't know that I could explain it without going it far too much detail. but she she surprised me by stating a desire to prioritize me over some of her friends who, in the past, she always seemed to give preference.  It was more a sense that she was affirming certain aspects of our familial bond that have felt absent to me.  What prompted this?  I am not at all that certain, but I do wonder, and I worry that I am being suspicious.  While it would be nice to believe that it was entirely spontaneous, I do wonder if she talked to my brother and he said something.  If that did happen, does it really matter?  I am not certain,   I know that I felt like I was free to open up, and that feels very significant.  I am trying to stay optimistic and not overthink it.  I have to hope that it is a sign things could, possibly. improve.  I know it won't fix things, of course, but it would be a start.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Poem: Neighborhood Inhabitants

Neighborhood Inhabitants There was a fox once, and another time, otters, and now a peacock that we think got lost during one of the storms. She stays down on the other end of the street, though, does not visit us. We have a racoon family that stays in our tree some nights, and there is a baby lizard, a brown basilisk, who we have seen several times. It is not supposed to be here, is invasive and troublesome to the local ecosystem, as are the duck.  I hear there are giant snails now who eat stucco or concrete or something of that sort. I have not seen one, though, I just heard they are here and big as my fist.
Read more

A Writer's Notebook, One-Thousand-Eight-Hundred-And-Seventy-Three

I am still finding it difficult to get back to a more productive work schedule at the moment.  In part, I am sure it is that I gave myself permission to slack off a bit, and it is difficult to walk that back, especially because I am still writing and being productive, even if not to the same degree. I know it would be good to get back to doing more writing, but I also know that I am still meeting my core obligations, even if at a more minimal level.  Really, I just need to make the choice and force myself to stick to it.  To that end, I am planning to at least get back to work on my longer projects again tomorrow, even if I don't increase the poetry output right away.
Read more

A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Three

I received my acceptance to attend workshop at the Palm Beach Poetry Festival next year and am very excited to be working with Matthew Olzmann, a poet whose work I have admired for some time.  He has a rare capacity for being simultaneously absurd and serious in ways that are hysterical, but with devastating insights underneath.  I feel quite fortunate to have the PBPF, and can say, honestly, that each workshop I have attended there has been incredible.  As a person who has taken many workshops in my life, and who often finds them wanting, I am always astounded at the caliber of the classes at the festival, both in the instruction and in the community of poets I have encountered.  I only wish it could be more than just one week out of the year.
Read more