A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Seven

I have been trying to explore some of my fears in my poems, trying to be more direct and lay things bare on the page.  In some ways, the themes and ideas are not different, it is more a matter of perspective.  I am trying to push aside some of the emotions and attitudes that I use as forms of protection for myself.  It is not easy to face things, sometimes, and I am not intending to do this for some sort of psychological reason, at least not as far as I am aware, but more because I am hoping it will help me to reach a deeper level in my writing, and perhaps lead me past an inner block that I sometimes feel around revealing too much of myself.  As well, I am very much afraid at the moment.  I am feeling defeated and don't know what to do to change things for the better, am afraid of things remaining as they have been.  I feel stuck, and many of the steps that are accessible feel pointless right now, or, even, dangerous.  I am awate of what I want to change, what I am seeking, but I feel as if all my efforts have been futile and I am worn out from it.  I have to put ny faith in something, so I am doing that by keeping up with my writing, and putting these things into that work is a natural extension of that, a way to try to move forwards through the work itself.  Not, in truth, that it has helped much, at least so far.

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