A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-And-Seventeen

This week marked the end of my time working with Freesia McKee, and I am rather unsettled about it.  I don't have anyone to take her place, right now, and I am feeling very anxious about things.  I don't know what to do, but my therapist suggested taking a break from submitting, and, though it scares me (and makes me more, not less, anxious at the moment), I am listening.  I have felt for a long while now that I need to get things to happen soon.  I feel that even another six months without an acceptance will be too much for me, and not submitting work seems to be allowing that, but I also just feel so defeated right now, anyway, and I can't realistically anticipate anything getting accepted, at all.  I am feeling just lost and powerless, and I am scared, not only of the failure I am experiencing, but of the destruction I feel within myself that gets worse as I accept it.  I need to find a way to change things, and the only change that would make a difference in a positive way is what I have no power over.  

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