A Writer's Notebook, Day Nine-Hundred-And-Eighty-Eight

I often feel it is impossible to ask for or receive the help I actually need.  In part, this is a matter of not always being able to explain what it is that I am seeking, or to even recognize what is wrong in a situation.  It is easy for me to present things in a way that does not match with another individuals experience of what I am describing, for example.  As well, because of my experiences with people not recognizing or understanding the issue, it can be hard to even ask for help.  At the moment, it feels that I don't even know how to describe things in a way that will actually enlist aid, despite the fact that I feel the need for it severely, and have been attempting to find real guidance with no success for so long.  At present, I feel that the only path presented to me is one that is utterly maddening, and that I am going mad from pursuing it so long without any results to show for it.  It would be fine to keep working, if I had some ability to calibrate my success, to know if I am moving closer to my goal or not, but that doesn't really exist.  I just want the ability to judge what I am doing, what is working and what is not working, so I can make better choices in the future, but their is no feedback mechanism.  I can't help but feel that such a system is destined, even designed, to cause real harm to anyone who it does not work for.

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