A Writer's Notebook, Day Nine-Hundred-And-Eighty-Five

I am feeling very lost right now.  The fact that I can't get anywhere with my writing has been very difficult, and yet, when I consider alternatives, I so often just find myself spinning around in circles, coming back to the same set of problems.  In truth, I do not have the energy or desire to find alternatives.  Having to find alternatives already feels like it is defeat.  What I want is a way to make measurable progress towards my actual goals, and I am aware that is not an option.  I feel, more and more, that I am just lost.  This is about so much more than just the writing, but it feels as if that is the metaphorical example I can describe, but I feel that, in many aspects of my life, I have been guided to make important, irrevocable decisions based on trusting people I am close with, only to find that the support that they offered when providing that guidance was a lie.  Once it is too late, then it becomes clear, and even more, any comment seeking the support is either dismissed.  I am told it is my problem, and nothing can be done about it now, but that is often being said by the very people who put me in this position.  I feel trapped, as I have said, and stuck.  I want a way to be certain I am going someplace, not just wasting all my energy on things that won't get me to anywhere I am trying to go.  I don't know what else to do, though.  I have clear goals that I am not willing to change, and I want evidence that my efforts are moving me closer to them.  I need to figure it out, because I just feel like I am going to destroy myself if I can't.

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