A Writer's Notebook, Day Eight-Hundred-And-Nineteen

The rejection letters have been arriving, three have come since the first of the month, or perhaps it was four.  I am not entirely certain.  I have to hope that the trend will break soon, but I do feel rather dejected considering the complete lack of acceptances that has met my efforts for so long now.  I'm reaching a point of exhaustion and frustration with it all, and I just wish I could get some actual advice and direction, something that might help me to find a reason for this.  I know that many will just point at luck, but I would be more upset to think it was only a matter of luck and that no underlying factors were involved.  I don't want to be a victim of random chance with no potential for changing the outcome.  That seems far worse, as it takes away any potential for acting to alter things, and I need to believe that I have some capacity to affect this.  Otherwise, it really is far darker, as it calls into question much of my past and those who encouraged me in my work, particularly in terms of guiding me to pursue this as a real career.  If all the years of work and study I put in are meaningless in terms of developing a professional career, than I feel cheated out of a chance at pursuing a life where I have real opportunities and am not just waiting around like a gambler hoping their break is coming in.

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