A Writer's Notebook, Day Seven-Hundred-And-Fifty-Eight

In some ways, I am becoming more resistant to the individual rejections I am receiving.  If I get a single rejection, I often will just let it sit without much thought beyond the general, continuing, desire for a clear path forward, but not as anything that is particularly upsetting in any acute way.  Even, I find, a few rejections won't always do a great deal to throw me into a negative loop.  I am still feeling rather driven to get to a point where I am able to get work accepted regularly, and I am not denying that it colors my mood a great deal, but I recognize, as well, that it is often much more cumulative, and may take more for me to really feel that overwhelm.  At the same time, I do not deny, either, that I have the same general negativity that derives from the value I place on getting work published, and that is not anything that has changed, or which I know how to change.  I know I am not going to be able to change this overall without succeeding in my aims.  It may be that, today, I didn't get as upset about this rejection or that one, but it does not alter the facts, or how I feel about my current professional situation.  The key to creating a real change, to getting to a place where I do not feel that I am spending all this time writing for no real reason, because it is not being read and so does not even exist in any sense that matters, and I must make a change that makes that happen.  I must.  I need to do it, even not knowing how, I somehow need to do it.

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