A Writer's Notebook, Day Seven-Hundred-And-Eighteen

 It is clear, I did not get work done earlier in the day today, and I recognize that I had opportunities to work that I did not take.  I need to find a stronger level of motivation, and that is quite difficult at times.  While I am committed to not allowing myself to fail in my writing responsibility each day, I am also still feeling rather uncertain about my work.  I received another rejection today, and I am always a bit shaken by that.  Their is a point at which I need to wonder what is wrong, and I am willing to question my own work in that capacity, but I am not certain what is not working, especially as those I show my writing outside of this context are generally quite positive.  I recognize that some of this may be polite, but their is also a degree to which I need to believe the other poets and writers who I have studied under and with whom I work.  They are good judges of work themselves, and it does not seem reasonable to assume that they would lie to me about the quality of my writing, at least not to such an extent.  If their is a real issue in my work that needs to be looked at, something that I am consistently missing, I would expect it to be something mentioned at some point in a writing workshop that I have attended.  That I do not recognize this could be true, but I have reason to believe that is not the case, since it would likely result in my not being offered many of the repeat opportunities I've had.  I know the work that I am doing is not for everyone, but that is different than it being for no one, and at some point, I have to wonder where the real issue is, and not only in the sense of my own work, but as a person who was encouraged, if not coaxed, to pursue writing, and poetry in particular, and who has spent a large amount of time and money on educating myself towards that outcome.  If my work is not valid, or has such issues, that causes me to wonder about the motivations of those who taught me, and if the work is of value, then why is it impossible for me to get anything published at present?  I am fully open to looking at problems in my own work, but it is impossible to know what issues are coming up, as editors do not generally offer any explanation of their decisions and the writers I've worked with have not provided any advice that seems relevant.  I've certainly not had a writer tell me my work was not publishable for some reason or another, or that I might need to work on some particular aspect if I wished to publish, and I have spoken with people who I know well enough to be able to have honest conversations on these topics.  From the fact that I am ranting about this once more, one can likely sense the degree to which this is causing me anxiety, and the fact that it is causing me such trouble in getting motivated to write has me quite upset.