A Writer's Notebook, Day Five-Hundred-And-Twenty-Eight

I am feeling the desire, once again, to ramp up in terms of the amount I am writing.  It is a feeling that I need to press through whatever is currently happening and get myself back into my old patterns.  In part, it is a feeling that I am slacking off, which I know many would think is ridiculous, considering it still involves writing a number of new poems daily (four or so, I think, but I didn't really keep count today), but I have become accustomed to my working schedule, to the amount of work I press from myself.  A teacher of mine once described the way Thomas Mann would treat his writing as a profession, waking each morning and going to his office in a suit and tie to sit down and write, with a break for lunch.  It is a way to regiment and control the chaos of creativity, and I admire it, though I do not know that I would go that extreme, exactly.  I think, also, of Trollope, who trained himself to write a certain number of words per a minute, pumping out his works at a rapid pace.  Again, I think there is something that I find honorable, even desirable, in this kind of dedicated, disciplined approach.  For me, I think it also is partly the desire to stave off another period of lethargy.  I feel that I wasted much time, and I want to do as much as I can now, without falling backwards.

There was a hesitancy that I felt about the idea that writing so much was diluting my work, but I think this is not the case.  I do not mean that all the work is great, or even most of it, but I do believe that writing more is the best way to learn, to improve, and that each poem teaches me more about my craft: even if it is not a poem that will ultimately succeed, I am learning and improving.  Thus, when I do write a poem of value, it tends to be better than what I might have come up with previously.  And, I have to believe that even my worst poems are better than they were before.  I do not think that it is realistic, but I do still aim for a time when even my least pieces achieve a certain degree of excellence.

In the end, I think it is my own pace, really.  I think I have a certain tendency towards prolixity that is just natural.  I have had many periods of creativity when I wrote a great deal, but it was always in spurts.  Now, I am at the point where I can harness and maintain this energy.  By disciplining myself to work daily, I've gotten beyond old stumbling blocks, and I have found myself capable of incredible, sustained, output.  By writing more, I am allowing myself to follow those preexisting inclinations.

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