A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Sixty-Four
Today has been another really productive day working with my friend and fellow poet, Freesia McKee. On top of my usual writing, I also spent much of the day preparing poems for submission to various journals. In all, I sent out five packets today, and I am intending to work on getting more out soon. This is really a big deal, at least for me, and I am really thankful for the support I had in doing that today. As someone with the learning disabilities that I have, I find it incredibly frustrating to deal with the pedantic differences in submissions between one place and another, and have a great deal of difficulty even with the task of formatting the work into the requested format. I know that many would hear me say that sounds ridiculous and think that I am being silly, even say it is some type of "self-entitlement" issue. I am clearly an intelligent man, why should I have such problems, but I do have those issues and cannot alter them.
Many of the issues I have are related to processes of spatial reasoning and organization. As a result of those issues, it can be rather hard for me to keep track of the various elements of a submission, and I have, on more than one occasion, sent work out only to realize, too late, that I had made major mistakes in the submission, like leaving information blank or forgetting to include an intended file. I am sure that at least a few times, my work has been summarily rejected because I made such errors. For me, it is almost inevitable that I will do that, at least some of the time.
What makes this even more frustrating is knowing that others do not understand why I find this so difficult. I feel like a person who has a limp and a cane complaining about a stairwell being too steep and being told that no one else has an issue with it, that it is my own fault for needing a cane in the first place. That I cannot adequately explain the discrepancy in ability that makes it so difficult for me to do such a task makes it difficult to get others to understand that it is a real problem for me, and I am sure that I would not have achieved half of what I did without the help I received from Freesia.
It is very frustrating to find it so difficult to do tasks that I know others do easily, especially when I am usually unable to get help. Many times I have been told that my request is silly, that anyone can do this and I have no excuse. This happened to me repeatedly in school, where I was legally entitled to certain compensations that were not always supplied, at work, even at the doctor's office at one point. I've had teachers tell me my handwriting is so bad I won't ever get a job, had professionals yell at me for the sloppiness of a check I filled out, and been told by individuals with physical disabilities that I had no right to ask for help. It means a lot to me to have people in my life that understand my issues, and I am truly grateful to Freesia today, not only for the help she has offered me both today and in the past, but also for being one of those who is willing to see me clearly, someone who can recognize that I am genuine in my request for assistance and can render it without judgement.
Many of the issues I have are related to processes of spatial reasoning and organization. As a result of those issues, it can be rather hard for me to keep track of the various elements of a submission, and I have, on more than one occasion, sent work out only to realize, too late, that I had made major mistakes in the submission, like leaving information blank or forgetting to include an intended file. I am sure that at least a few times, my work has been summarily rejected because I made such errors. For me, it is almost inevitable that I will do that, at least some of the time.
What makes this even more frustrating is knowing that others do not understand why I find this so difficult. I feel like a person who has a limp and a cane complaining about a stairwell being too steep and being told that no one else has an issue with it, that it is my own fault for needing a cane in the first place. That I cannot adequately explain the discrepancy in ability that makes it so difficult for me to do such a task makes it difficult to get others to understand that it is a real problem for me, and I am sure that I would not have achieved half of what I did without the help I received from Freesia.
It is very frustrating to find it so difficult to do tasks that I know others do easily, especially when I am usually unable to get help. Many times I have been told that my request is silly, that anyone can do this and I have no excuse. This happened to me repeatedly in school, where I was legally entitled to certain compensations that were not always supplied, at work, even at the doctor's office at one point. I've had teachers tell me my handwriting is so bad I won't ever get a job, had professionals yell at me for the sloppiness of a check I filled out, and been told by individuals with physical disabilities that I had no right to ask for help. It means a lot to me to have people in my life that understand my issues, and I am truly grateful to Freesia today, not only for the help she has offered me both today and in the past, but also for being one of those who is willing to see me clearly, someone who can recognize that I am genuine in my request for assistance and can render it without judgement.
Comments
Post a Comment