A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Sixty
Today was a very good day for my writing, I think. Now, when I say that, I am not saying that I necessarily think the poems that I wrote are of any particular quality. In most cases, after a few minutes have passed, I can't look back on most of my work without a degree of dissatisfaction at the discrepancy between what is on the page and what I really wish it could be. The work that I wrote today is no exception and I will leave the ultimate question of the work's merit to others.
So, then, what is it that happened that makes me feel that today was positive, if not that I produced better work? If I didn't feel that I produced work that was special, what could make me feel that today was somehow particularly good? It is not something easy to explain, but it is about my feeling about the way I approached the work, and the kinds of work I feel that I have access to right now.
As I have mentioned in many previous posts, I have been feeling that certain aspects of my work have been flagging, that I have been having difficulty creating specific kinds of poems that I am drawn to composing. This has been something that I've had a sense of, on and off, and I have mostly dealt with it by acknowledging it, and maintaining a positive attitude that these things would shift again. It would be unnatural for me, as a poet, to suddenly stop writing that kind of work, when it is has occupied a central position in my past creativity. Such things don't disappear, I told myself, but of course, it is hard to fully accept that as true, even knowing, logically that it makes sense.
I should not really have been surprised, then, when the work this morning felt to me like it was going back towards that familiar territory. The door to that room opened again, and I felt myself connecting aspects of my work that have existed forever with newer discoveries. Now, of course, it may be that I will find that this door closes again, that tomorrow I am less connected to that part of my work, but what mattered most about this was the experience of reconnecting with that. It was confirmation that these things still exist and that I do have access to them.
Even more than just that, which would have been more than enough, I also gained a sort of glimpse at something that is possible, if I really learn how to integrate these old and new ideas. Today, I became aware that the new work I am doing required a degree of concentration on aspects of craft that would have been at odds with my other work. Some ways of doing things don't fit together all that naturally,
so of course my work shifted as I focused on parts of the work that were not congruent with what I had always done. Of course, now that I've gained a proficiency in those areas, I can see more of how they can be used in ways that will work within other contexts, ways to blend things that might otherwise have seemed impossible to bring together. In the end, I came to see why I wasn't able to craft the kind of work I was seeking, but that a level of mastery can be developed that will allow for something truly exciting, when those disparate ways of working come together in a harmonious union.
So, then, what is it that happened that makes me feel that today was positive, if not that I produced better work? If I didn't feel that I produced work that was special, what could make me feel that today was somehow particularly good? It is not something easy to explain, but it is about my feeling about the way I approached the work, and the kinds of work I feel that I have access to right now.
As I have mentioned in many previous posts, I have been feeling that certain aspects of my work have been flagging, that I have been having difficulty creating specific kinds of poems that I am drawn to composing. This has been something that I've had a sense of, on and off, and I have mostly dealt with it by acknowledging it, and maintaining a positive attitude that these things would shift again. It would be unnatural for me, as a poet, to suddenly stop writing that kind of work, when it is has occupied a central position in my past creativity. Such things don't disappear, I told myself, but of course, it is hard to fully accept that as true, even knowing, logically that it makes sense.
I should not really have been surprised, then, when the work this morning felt to me like it was going back towards that familiar territory. The door to that room opened again, and I felt myself connecting aspects of my work that have existed forever with newer discoveries. Now, of course, it may be that I will find that this door closes again, that tomorrow I am less connected to that part of my work, but what mattered most about this was the experience of reconnecting with that. It was confirmation that these things still exist and that I do have access to them.
Even more than just that, which would have been more than enough, I also gained a sort of glimpse at something that is possible, if I really learn how to integrate these old and new ideas. Today, I became aware that the new work I am doing required a degree of concentration on aspects of craft that would have been at odds with my other work. Some ways of doing things don't fit together all that naturally,
so of course my work shifted as I focused on parts of the work that were not congruent with what I had always done. Of course, now that I've gained a proficiency in those areas, I can see more of how they can be used in ways that will work within other contexts, ways to blend things that might otherwise have seemed impossible to bring together. In the end, I came to see why I wasn't able to craft the kind of work I was seeking, but that a level of mastery can be developed that will allow for something truly exciting, when those disparate ways of working come together in a harmonious union.
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