A Writer's Notebook, Day Three-Hundred-And-Fifty-Six

Today was the first day since I had increased to five poems when I really felt the enthusiasm wane a bit.  It wasn't at all to do with my fifth poem, but instead was earlier, when I set down to work this evening.  I had written two poems already, this morning, and sat down at my desk to do my work for the evening.

It took me some time to really get started, and I could hear certain negative, judgmental voices echoing at the back of my mind.  I did not have a clear sense of what I wanted to write, and that was a large part of what contributed to that feeling.  What is funny, though, is that yesterday I also needed to think up what to write as I was setting to work, so it is clearly not about that actual condition.

My thinking tends to be that, at least in part, this is just the noise that I need to get through to do the work.  I mean, my negative thoughts are sort of like an obstacle that my unconscious is sending out to make me prove I am dedicated.  It may be that this is not true, but it is still a helpful perspective for me.  It allows me to confront those negative voices without arguing, but instead just letting them go for a few minutes.  If I stay at the computer, eventually I will have something to write.  In some cases, actually, I might come up with a line that is just me copying a thing I said internally as part of that negative self-talk.  Once I let go and step back, I am able to move past whatever anxiety those ideas represent and into a space of creative freedom.