A Writer's Notebook, Day Two-Hundred-And-Ninety-Four
Well, I did not write two poems this morning, but it was really a scheduling issue more than anything. I had to get out of the house by nine and didn't have a chance to work on a second poem. I feel quite guilty about it, which I take as a positive sign, as it impels me to not miss tomorrow morning. I did get three poems written today, and I feel quite good about them.
In addition to that, I also did a fair amount of other work. I sent out a manuscript to a chapbook competition, as well as beginning work on compiling another poetry manuscript, which I intend to send out shortly to another contest. Beyond that, I did some more research on journals and I think I've identified some good markets, both for my poetry and for some of the fiction I have written over the past few years.
The fact is, while I have been doing work that I am proud of, I haven't ever really pressed myself to get it out there. It feels stupid to me that I waited so long to get to this point, but I cannot change that, and it would be idiotic to allow that to stop me from moving forwards now. I don't really want to beat myself up about the past, but instead to recognize the value in taking the path I am on. And I do recognize that I have gained much in getting to where I am right now.
For one thing, the work I am doing at this point would never have been possible for me when I was younger. I had talent, and I was certainly writing work that had merit, but I have spent much of my adult life honing that and developing my understanding of writing as a craft. In a sense, I have been in training for the past several decades, and now I am at the point of readiness, where I can truly pout that training into practice.
Indeed, I believe that much of the work I am doing now is work I would never have done if I had been writing all of these years. I would have, of course, developed and learned, but the nature of the pursuit would have shaped my work drastically. At this point, I have the confidence to do the work that matters to me, and have my own understanding of the work, in a way that I think would not be true if I hadn't spent so much time in readying myself. It would certainly be nice to feel that I was already a success in the literary world, but I would rather be doing the work I am doing.
In many ways, my writing now is an attempt to go beyond what many would consider possible. I want to write stories and poems that push the boundaries, and I think I have found ways to do that. If I had been doing conventional work for the past twenty years, I don't think I would have made many of the discoveries I have, and I think my work would be far duller as a result. Now, of course, I am saying this from where I am now, and I know that, were I on a different path, I would probably feel good about the work I would be doing, and might have more to show for it externally. The truth is, I cannot know the shape of my life if it were different and I were already out there with my work, I would likely be happy about that, but, seeing as I can't change the past, I would rather make the decision to see the choices I've made in a positive light, if only because I know that the alternative perspective would be to get down on myself. I've done that before, and it usually kills creativity.
In addition to that, I also did a fair amount of other work. I sent out a manuscript to a chapbook competition, as well as beginning work on compiling another poetry manuscript, which I intend to send out shortly to another contest. Beyond that, I did some more research on journals and I think I've identified some good markets, both for my poetry and for some of the fiction I have written over the past few years.
The fact is, while I have been doing work that I am proud of, I haven't ever really pressed myself to get it out there. It feels stupid to me that I waited so long to get to this point, but I cannot change that, and it would be idiotic to allow that to stop me from moving forwards now. I don't really want to beat myself up about the past, but instead to recognize the value in taking the path I am on. And I do recognize that I have gained much in getting to where I am right now.
For one thing, the work I am doing at this point would never have been possible for me when I was younger. I had talent, and I was certainly writing work that had merit, but I have spent much of my adult life honing that and developing my understanding of writing as a craft. In a sense, I have been in training for the past several decades, and now I am at the point of readiness, where I can truly pout that training into practice.
Indeed, I believe that much of the work I am doing now is work I would never have done if I had been writing all of these years. I would have, of course, developed and learned, but the nature of the pursuit would have shaped my work drastically. At this point, I have the confidence to do the work that matters to me, and have my own understanding of the work, in a way that I think would not be true if I hadn't spent so much time in readying myself. It would certainly be nice to feel that I was already a success in the literary world, but I would rather be doing the work I am doing.
In many ways, my writing now is an attempt to go beyond what many would consider possible. I want to write stories and poems that push the boundaries, and I think I have found ways to do that. If I had been doing conventional work for the past twenty years, I don't think I would have made many of the discoveries I have, and I think my work would be far duller as a result. Now, of course, I am saying this from where I am now, and I know that, were I on a different path, I would probably feel good about the work I would be doing, and might have more to show for it externally. The truth is, I cannot know the shape of my life if it were different and I were already out there with my work, I would likely be happy about that, but, seeing as I can't change the past, I would rather make the decision to see the choices I've made in a positive light, if only because I know that the alternative perspective would be to get down on myself. I've done that before, and it usually kills creativity.
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