A Writer's notebook, Day One-Hundred-Fifty-Three

I am still struggling to regain something that I have lost touch with in terms of writing poetry.  That is not something in the poems themselves, I don't think.  Rather, I mean to say that the writing of a poem is not the issue, in and of itself.  I can still think in terms of the poetic craft just as sharply  as I ever had, and my ear is still very good.

I am probably being repetitive in discussing this once more, but I really do have the sense of something that once motivated me and brought me a great deal more enthusiasm and even joy in writing poetry.  I do not know what it was I had that I am missing not, though I know that the sense of it is much keener, and that I take as a positive sing.  If I can understand what I feel I am missing more clearly, that certainly suggests that I am getting closer to reconnecting with it, especially as I am not even certain I ever before had an understanding of what it was that was holding back my writing, or at least my motivation in terms of writing. 

I still am not finding it easy to get myself going, much of the time, though I am doing the work, and I know that is most important on some level.  What I am seeking is not even about whether I would write more, but about my own experience as a writer, and a sense I have that I could be more connected with my writing.  It is largely, of course, ruled by recalling the way I wrote at one point, and by my desire to get back to that place where I was more connected with the work in a way that drove me to write whenever I had the opportunity. 

These days, while I am writing, it is not as if I am ever running to the computer with an idea for a poem, a thing that once occurred constantly.  I can recall days when I wrote multiple poems in a few hours, and I recall the sense of creative energy and drive that I had, and it is that which I am seeking to find once more.  It may be that it was a product of youth, but I can recall it and I truly believe that I am on the path to connect with that energy once again.

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