A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Hundred-Three
I still have a significant amount of work on the current novel, but am prepared to get through it tomorrow. I don't doubt that I can do it, but I am sure it will take an effort. I am feeling confident about the book as a whole, in terms of the work, though it may well be something just for myself at the moment at least. It does not feel like it is something that I could publish without a lot more work, and I don't really feel that this is the project I want to sink that time into.
I am extremely glad to write this work, of course, as I do think it has helped me gain a much stronger grasp on certain concepts and it also opened up a lot for me in my own thinking. It was largely a personal journey, and I expect that writing the ending will be as well. I am, I'll admit, somewhat scared of this project in some way. I think that is what has slowed me down, and I think the fear is a result of my awareness that this is very personal and about coping with my own emotions relating to the death of my father in 2016, as well as the death shortly thereafter of the writer who mentored me as an undergraduate. In the case of that professor, I had made steps to get back in touch after many years of estrangement, but his illness and death prevented that from coming to fruition. As to my father, the issues there are always complex, and I miss him daily.
The current book is not directly about those people or even a direct parallel to any of my own experiences, but the main character's own journey is emotionally resonant and I know that some part of this book is about me breaking through certain barriers I have. I know tomorrow will be a tough day, as I will need to crack that in order to get to the ending. I am aware that it will be a difficult task, but I have faith that I can do it and that I will.
Once through that, I also, of course, will need to be preparing to move forwards to a new project. I don't have a clear idea yet, but I do have thoughts that I might be able to work with. The most interesting thing I have been considering is the idea of attempting a book that is structured so I can play with some of the ideas I used in my first novel but in a way that is more inviting. In W/R, the reader's experience is central, and they are almost a character in the book. These are aspects that I want to expand and play with further, but in a way that might work in a commercial setting.
Towards that end, I am considering the idea of a more traditional type of horror story, but one that is structured in a particular way. In the first section, a story is laid out that explains the world and the monsters of it. But, that explanation implies that the danger is ubiquitous. Further, it implies that certain kinds of experiences are signs of being attuned or sensitive to these forces. The reader is led, of course, to have some of those experiences, and is then invited, in the second section, the reader is brought into the story more directly. The third would keep the reader involved, but would also have to deconstruct some of the narrative itself, in a way that suggests that the reason these horrors existed is the reader's involvement in some way. I think, essentially, the idea is that the reader connecting with that fictional world is the catalyst. I am not certain what that means yet, or perhaps I do, but I am not able to articulate it at this point.
I don't have a real sense of the plot or the characters, though I do want it to be a female centered book. I think that their is a reason for that which I don't yet understand, but I have a strong sense that this is the right direction. It may be that it is a mother and a daughter, or two sisters, or it could be friends or lovers or many other possible relationships. I am not sure of it at all yet. While I have a general structure and a sense of how things are moving, and of certain bigger picture ideas. I don't have a real sense of the details that will fill it in. Of course, that is what the writing is for, really: putting in all the actual details and making the world of the book into a fully fleshed thing. So, I feel pretty well equipped to get to started using what I already do know.
I am extremely glad to write this work, of course, as I do think it has helped me gain a much stronger grasp on certain concepts and it also opened up a lot for me in my own thinking. It was largely a personal journey, and I expect that writing the ending will be as well. I am, I'll admit, somewhat scared of this project in some way. I think that is what has slowed me down, and I think the fear is a result of my awareness that this is very personal and about coping with my own emotions relating to the death of my father in 2016, as well as the death shortly thereafter of the writer who mentored me as an undergraduate. In the case of that professor, I had made steps to get back in touch after many years of estrangement, but his illness and death prevented that from coming to fruition. As to my father, the issues there are always complex, and I miss him daily.
The current book is not directly about those people or even a direct parallel to any of my own experiences, but the main character's own journey is emotionally resonant and I know that some part of this book is about me breaking through certain barriers I have. I know tomorrow will be a tough day, as I will need to crack that in order to get to the ending. I am aware that it will be a difficult task, but I have faith that I can do it and that I will.
Once through that, I also, of course, will need to be preparing to move forwards to a new project. I don't have a clear idea yet, but I do have thoughts that I might be able to work with. The most interesting thing I have been considering is the idea of attempting a book that is structured so I can play with some of the ideas I used in my first novel but in a way that is more inviting. In W/R, the reader's experience is central, and they are almost a character in the book. These are aspects that I want to expand and play with further, but in a way that might work in a commercial setting.
Towards that end, I am considering the idea of a more traditional type of horror story, but one that is structured in a particular way. In the first section, a story is laid out that explains the world and the monsters of it. But, that explanation implies that the danger is ubiquitous. Further, it implies that certain kinds of experiences are signs of being attuned or sensitive to these forces. The reader is led, of course, to have some of those experiences, and is then invited, in the second section, the reader is brought into the story more directly. The third would keep the reader involved, but would also have to deconstruct some of the narrative itself, in a way that suggests that the reason these horrors existed is the reader's involvement in some way. I think, essentially, the idea is that the reader connecting with that fictional world is the catalyst. I am not certain what that means yet, or perhaps I do, but I am not able to articulate it at this point.
I don't have a real sense of the plot or the characters, though I do want it to be a female centered book. I think that their is a reason for that which I don't yet understand, but I have a strong sense that this is the right direction. It may be that it is a mother and a daughter, or two sisters, or it could be friends or lovers or many other possible relationships. I am not sure of it at all yet. While I have a general structure and a sense of how things are moving, and of certain bigger picture ideas. I don't have a real sense of the details that will fill it in. Of course, that is what the writing is for, really: putting in all the actual details and making the world of the book into a fully fleshed thing. So, I feel pretty well equipped to get to started using what I already do know.
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