A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Hundred-One
My meeting this morning went well, though it was unresolved, as the agent has not yet had time to read W/R. I know that I will have to wait, and that is fine. As I've said before, I am largely expecting this will be an opportunity for me to learn. Their was certainly much that I did learn and I feel that the feedback which I've received is quite helpful. In many ways, the aspect which is most important is being able to connect with a professional and gain a bit more familiarity with those interactions. Professional connections of that sort are significant, but it can be a bit daunting to begin developing those interactions when you are not established. Recognizing that the people on the business side of publishing are nurturing and open is incredibly uplifting and affirming.
It is always intimidating to be at the start of a journey. The journey of writing a book is one thing, but the journey of getting it into the world is another. For me, I am far more comfortable with writing than with the publishing aspect. It is one thing to put words on a page, but dealing with people can be intimidating. I know that I am a fairly awkward person, in many ways, and I don't have a great amount of confidence in my interpersonal skills. As well, I know that agents are seen as professional gatekeepers and that can be a frightening thing.
Under these circumstances, it may be easy to understand why I would feel a bit worried about how my interactions might go. Finding that the person you are interacting with wants to be of service and feeling that they want you to succeed is really significant. It makes things very different, and breaks down a lot of the internal barriers. It is the recognition that the people you are pitching to are truly their because they want to find good work, and the sense that your intent to do that work is something that they respect.
I'm sure that is not universally the case, but it seems to me that it is likely to be more true than not, from the interactions I've had. Besides, that is a far better way of looking at things. On another day, of course, I'll feel differently, but today I am happy to be in a mood where I recognize that these people are stewards more than gatekeepers.
My writing today was again slow, but I am at the point where I have a lot of work in the next several days, and I am going to get it done. I have a lot of trouble with some of the emotional elements, but I am feeling equipped to get through the rest of the book. It is just going to take a lot of work and probably some more late nights. I am eager to get to the end of this one, though, as it is a bear of a book to write. Maybe it will be something truly valuable, but I am uncertain.
I have a lot of work to do on it, but I do have a lot that I know already. One of the biggest solutions I have to what is not so easy is just to let them erupt. It can be a pent up emotion and the explosion does not need to be explained. In this story, it actually makes sense that the character is opening up sporadically and through these kind of sudden outbursts. It can be hard at times to let that happen, or at least it can be a difficult thing to write in a way that works inside the mode I am utilizing, The detachment that is needed in the narrative voice is often at odds with letting those feelings come through. That is one of the challenges of this story, and one I hadn't really considered until it came up in the writing.
That is one thing about this book that it seems to me ridiculous that I had so little recognition of the work that would be needed for it. I am not saying I can't do that work, but I didn't really know what I was about when this project started. The choice to use this floating perspective that does not resolve into an unambiguous person is something that I should have recognized as potentially difficult to achieve in such a work.
The ultimate goal, though, is not for this to be easy. It is getting to the place where I feel a degree of mastery over the craft. That requires work. It requires writing and then writing some more. Doing work that is difficult is only going to be a boon to that, as it will require me to think in new ways. It is difficult because it is not what I have done, and so it is showing me new ways of thinking. Whatever the book seems to be in and of itself, it is bound to be work that matters in my own mind. This does not even touch upon the emotional aspects of this book. I know I am learning about myself in other ways as I write, but I am meaning here the technical tricks that are becoming second-hand. I understand why it has been slow getting this book to this point, but I am eager to find what it takes to complete the work, and I am committed to doing that.
It is always intimidating to be at the start of a journey. The journey of writing a book is one thing, but the journey of getting it into the world is another. For me, I am far more comfortable with writing than with the publishing aspect. It is one thing to put words on a page, but dealing with people can be intimidating. I know that I am a fairly awkward person, in many ways, and I don't have a great amount of confidence in my interpersonal skills. As well, I know that agents are seen as professional gatekeepers and that can be a frightening thing.
Under these circumstances, it may be easy to understand why I would feel a bit worried about how my interactions might go. Finding that the person you are interacting with wants to be of service and feeling that they want you to succeed is really significant. It makes things very different, and breaks down a lot of the internal barriers. It is the recognition that the people you are pitching to are truly their because they want to find good work, and the sense that your intent to do that work is something that they respect.
I'm sure that is not universally the case, but it seems to me that it is likely to be more true than not, from the interactions I've had. Besides, that is a far better way of looking at things. On another day, of course, I'll feel differently, but today I am happy to be in a mood where I recognize that these people are stewards more than gatekeepers.
My writing today was again slow, but I am at the point where I have a lot of work in the next several days, and I am going to get it done. I have a lot of trouble with some of the emotional elements, but I am feeling equipped to get through the rest of the book. It is just going to take a lot of work and probably some more late nights. I am eager to get to the end of this one, though, as it is a bear of a book to write. Maybe it will be something truly valuable, but I am uncertain.
I have a lot of work to do on it, but I do have a lot that I know already. One of the biggest solutions I have to what is not so easy is just to let them erupt. It can be a pent up emotion and the explosion does not need to be explained. In this story, it actually makes sense that the character is opening up sporadically and through these kind of sudden outbursts. It can be hard at times to let that happen, or at least it can be a difficult thing to write in a way that works inside the mode I am utilizing, The detachment that is needed in the narrative voice is often at odds with letting those feelings come through. That is one of the challenges of this story, and one I hadn't really considered until it came up in the writing.
That is one thing about this book that it seems to me ridiculous that I had so little recognition of the work that would be needed for it. I am not saying I can't do that work, but I didn't really know what I was about when this project started. The choice to use this floating perspective that does not resolve into an unambiguous person is something that I should have recognized as potentially difficult to achieve in such a work.
The ultimate goal, though, is not for this to be easy. It is getting to the place where I feel a degree of mastery over the craft. That requires work. It requires writing and then writing some more. Doing work that is difficult is only going to be a boon to that, as it will require me to think in new ways. It is difficult because it is not what I have done, and so it is showing me new ways of thinking. Whatever the book seems to be in and of itself, it is bound to be work that matters in my own mind. This does not even touch upon the emotional aspects of this book. I know I am learning about myself in other ways as I write, but I am meaning here the technical tricks that are becoming second-hand. I understand why it has been slow getting this book to this point, but I am eager to find what it takes to complete the work, and I am committed to doing that.
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