A Writer's Notebook, Day Ninety
The pattern seems to be holding steady, with me starting slow in the morning and cracking through to a decent word count by evening. I ended at around 2,300 words today, which I feel good about, but I would like to have added just a few hundred more, since that would have gotten me on target for Nanowrimo. If I keep at the current pace of 2,000 or more words a day, that won't be an issue for long, though. I think I might get to that point tomorrow.
It still feels like a real slog writing this book, and I have a great deal of doubt about it at this moment. The one thing that sort of saved me was reading a piece where Neil Gaiman discussed a call to his agent about his book Anansi Boy's, a novel that I am very fond of. At some point in the middle of writing, he was feeling extremely frustrated and considering quitting on the piece. He called his agent and she replied, "oh, you're at that point." She then went on to say that this happened with all of her clients.
So, feeling that the work isn't working is not an indication, and the only real answer is to keep writing to the end. A book is written a word at a time, and words are very little things. Remember how many it takes to create a picture. But that is also there power, too, of course. Still, it is like building a wall a grain of sand at a time, or it can feel that way some days. Today was a bit like that, but that doesn't stop the action.
I suppose I should be more inspired, in some ways, on a day like today. In spite of it all, even when it felt really like a hopeless slog, at times when I was writing one word at a time and then erasing five and trying to write them again, or just staring at the screen for five minutes trying to figure out what to do. Sure, that stuff sucks, but doing the work and getting it done in spite of that, well, I feel pretty damned good about that.
The thing is that I wasn't so rigorous or dedicated for a long time, and while I do see that time as important, in developing as a writer, and in learning more about the world and what I wish to communicate, I also developed some bad habits. Well, really it is one bad habit, and it is a major one: the habit of not writing consistently. Actually, thinking on it, there is a second habit too: that of not finishing things. I've had novels half finished, along with stories and essays and plays and many other things. I have had times when I went weeks without writing.
Now, when I am at this point in my life where I feel that I am ready to take that next step, I recognize that everything I have learnt is meaningless without actually doing the work. It is too easy to procrastinate by pretending to "think" about the book, or doing research instead of writing. The end result is that nothing gets done. So, now I have created new habits, and am working hard to make certain they remain in place.
That is another reason for my desire to write a novel every month for a full year. It is a project that requires me to be focused upon the work. I have no choice but to do work daily if I am going to succeed in terms of that specific goal and also as a writer in general. I am creating a situation that motivates me to keep at it.
In some ways, I also realize that the quality of this work is almost besides the point in terms of my own development. It is a stepping stone, a lesson that can help me to reach new understandings and insights, and the challenge of writing it is one of those lessons. Over the past several days I've come to recognize that it really is the time spent on the work that matters. Responding to the slow output by redoubling efforts works. It has gotten me this far already.
So, the book is coming along, even if the writing is taking time to emerge, and I feel that I am learning a great deal in the process. So, in the end, it will be done, and what will matter most is not the work itself, but what I can take from the experience of writing it. The book, even if good, is bound to need massive work after the first draft, but the lessons I am learning as I write it. The goal has to be to get it done, to move forwards with more knowledge and skill, and with the knowledge of having seen the project through to the end.
It still feels like a real slog writing this book, and I have a great deal of doubt about it at this moment. The one thing that sort of saved me was reading a piece where Neil Gaiman discussed a call to his agent about his book Anansi Boy's, a novel that I am very fond of. At some point in the middle of writing, he was feeling extremely frustrated and considering quitting on the piece. He called his agent and she replied, "oh, you're at that point." She then went on to say that this happened with all of her clients.
So, feeling that the work isn't working is not an indication, and the only real answer is to keep writing to the end. A book is written a word at a time, and words are very little things. Remember how many it takes to create a picture. But that is also there power, too, of course. Still, it is like building a wall a grain of sand at a time, or it can feel that way some days. Today was a bit like that, but that doesn't stop the action.
I suppose I should be more inspired, in some ways, on a day like today. In spite of it all, even when it felt really like a hopeless slog, at times when I was writing one word at a time and then erasing five and trying to write them again, or just staring at the screen for five minutes trying to figure out what to do. Sure, that stuff sucks, but doing the work and getting it done in spite of that, well, I feel pretty damned good about that.
The thing is that I wasn't so rigorous or dedicated for a long time, and while I do see that time as important, in developing as a writer, and in learning more about the world and what I wish to communicate, I also developed some bad habits. Well, really it is one bad habit, and it is a major one: the habit of not writing consistently. Actually, thinking on it, there is a second habit too: that of not finishing things. I've had novels half finished, along with stories and essays and plays and many other things. I have had times when I went weeks without writing.
Now, when I am at this point in my life where I feel that I am ready to take that next step, I recognize that everything I have learnt is meaningless without actually doing the work. It is too easy to procrastinate by pretending to "think" about the book, or doing research instead of writing. The end result is that nothing gets done. So, now I have created new habits, and am working hard to make certain they remain in place.
That is another reason for my desire to write a novel every month for a full year. It is a project that requires me to be focused upon the work. I have no choice but to do work daily if I am going to succeed in terms of that specific goal and also as a writer in general. I am creating a situation that motivates me to keep at it.
In some ways, I also realize that the quality of this work is almost besides the point in terms of my own development. It is a stepping stone, a lesson that can help me to reach new understandings and insights, and the challenge of writing it is one of those lessons. Over the past several days I've come to recognize that it really is the time spent on the work that matters. Responding to the slow output by redoubling efforts works. It has gotten me this far already.
So, the book is coming along, even if the writing is taking time to emerge, and I feel that I am learning a great deal in the process. So, in the end, it will be done, and what will matter most is not the work itself, but what I can take from the experience of writing it. The book, even if good, is bound to need massive work after the first draft, but the lessons I am learning as I write it. The goal has to be to get it done, to move forwards with more knowledge and skill, and with the knowledge of having seen the project through to the end.
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