A Writer's Notebook, Day Ninety-Six

To begin, I did some work on the current novel, but it was fairly minor.  Perhaps a few hundred words at most, as the point was mostly symbolic, for me to be able to say that I had continued the momentum, and thus feel connected to the book.  I did have an easy time at the writing, honestly, and feel far more facile within the voice, as well as more aware of the story itself.  If it had not been for my day being quite long and arduous, I would have done more.  

Cooking today was a long and demanding task, and Melissa was extremely irritated, which she took out on me.  I attempted to handle this, but by the time guests arrived I was utterly exhausted, both physically and mentally.  I could barely stand and felt sore in both my feet and my back.  I did some work and took a long break.

As mentioned last night, I am planning to make this a bit of a departure for the holiday.  First, I want to say that I feel quite conflicted to be honest about Thanksgiving.  I recognize the history and the mythology at conflict with each other, and realize what the native populations of this country underwent ,when European settlers generally and the Pilgrims in particular, was a brutal encounter with a genocidal civilization that saw them as expendable or exploitable or both.

At the same time, I do also have a genuine belief that we should have a way of recognizing that we are lucky.  While now is not the best time in this country's history for that, it may be more important now to see what we do have than it was in the past.  I think, as well, that for me, I am in a place in my life where I need to allow myself to feel grateful, and to allow it to help me move from the pessimistic frame that I often fall into.  I think that being willing to recognize our own luck in a way that is genuine, and in a way that acknowledges how that luck is a lie, and really what we have is borne out of sacrifices that may have been forced upon others in our past so we could reap the rewards of their suffering.

Having said that, I feel it is important for me, on a personal level, to acknowledge my own feeling of thanks right now.  I feel that the most important thing I can do is what I am doing these days, and that is writing.  While I have not yet published a major work, I do feel that I am making progress on that front and that my best response is to remain active in my work. 

In the time since beginning this notebook, I have written a first draft for a novel and am well past halfway on another.  I've also begun to make inroads with agents and in the publishing industry.  As well, I have some rather exciting news to share that my play, Origins of An Internet Cat was selected for inclusion in Theater Lab at FAU.  This is quite exciting, though I acknowledge the play is not a great work.

I'll share more information on that as the time approaches, and expect that I will also write about some of my experiences in working on the play.  I feel very much that it is going to be a learning experience and am eager for that.  I do feel that I might not have done that work without this journal, and I really do think of this space as the engine of much of my creativity these days.  It is the thing that keeps me on task a lot of the time, and I am very glad I have it.

The event that will include my play is going to be on January 5th, I think. I do not have all the details yet, but if there is anyone interested, I will be glad to post them when I can.  Anyhow, I am truly thankful in a way that feels kind of at odds with the world and with the moment in history and with the history around this holiday, and I don't know how long that will last, really, but I am thankful to feel thankful if only for a moment.