Would That I Might

Melissa and I are arriving back home tomorrow, which is a little bit fraught, to be honest.  We have been dealing with construction for so long and there has been work happening while we were gone, but I am not certain what.  So much hasn't been done, and Melissa and I have been making due living in a small portion of the house and without many important facilities available.  Our kitchen has been dismantled and we only have a toaster oven for cooking, to offer an example.  We do have a refrigerator and are using the laundry sink.  I am glad we will be home, but I am wondering what we will find.

It May Be It Is Already Too Late or it may be there is time, I do not know, am unsure what I was told.  I don't want to check, I want to be hopeful until I arrive. I must go, why not be hopeful since I know I must go.

Researching cam be very difficult for me, especially right now, as I am working on a piece that hits close to home and much of what I am learning feels personal, not so much academic.  It is important work, I know, but I need to be able to take care of myself as well, and sometimes it is a lot.  Right now, I am also dealing with several other crises as well.  I think it may be time for me to take a break from this piece and work on something that won't be as intense, but I am not certain what that could be.  I think I might also do better when I get back home and can work on assembling the fragments and notes I have put together on this subject.  That might be a bit cathartic and would feel like the culmination of much of the other work.  I am sure I will have more I want to add and other areas to look into, but I can step back from that part of the process for a bit.  I don't know if that is really enough, but I will try it and see what happens when w...

A Phone Is Ringing It sounds like a phone that plugs in to the wall, nothing cellular, though, what sound can't be made by those devices?  I do not know where it is, of some open window is letting it sing into the night or if some other, a stranger is about with their phone, another guest or a member of the hotel staff.  It is ringing, no, it has stopped ringing. Was it answered, or did it end with no response? It is nothing I know or can know, is nothing but the questions that come, that ask for stories to fill all the blanks in the ledger of the world.

First night of our trip back and we are doing alright.  It was a long day.  We didn't get out if thr house until the afternoon, and had a few stops to make on our way out of town.  We visited Ann's grave and brought some flowers that were blooming out front of her house.  Once we got on the road we didn't stop until we had arrived, especially as we were worried about the potential for bad weather turning up.  It actually stayed clear and sunny for the entire drive, despite the warnings we had been seeing about possible storms.  

Nothing to Discard Remember to remove what waits there before you come, it is already there but is nothing, an excess of emptiness that seeps and spreads, makes openings, not holes but gaps. Not places to enter just spaces between that add nothing but distance and emptiness, a perpetuated isolation.

Melissa and I are going to be heading back to Florida.  We are leaving tomorrow afternoon and have the trip split up over the next few days.  It should be fine, but it is always a bit stressful preparing for the trip, and the weather may not be pleasant tomorrow or Friday.  If our schedule was more flexible, we would probably wait a little to leave so we could avoid the storms, but we have obligations that require us to be back in the next few days.