Would That I Might

This is going to be a quick and perfunctory entry.  I am exhausted right now and ready to get to sleep.  I didn't get started with my work until somewhat late, at least in comparison to my recent schedule, and I am dragging right now.  I am afraid I might just fall asleep typing thus, so I am going to just call it a night and give in to my need for rest.

When to Start Waiting is not always wise, though it is good not to rush either, but it should be done sooner, not later, should be done early enough, though maybe it is too late for that, or will be by when it will be done. Start and get to the end and that is what matters, at least to get to the end. Do not wait too long, and, also, do not rush.  Do it at the right pace, at the right time.  That is it, yes, be certain first, then act, but do not take too long determining.

Melissa, my mother, my brother and I went out to try a new restaurant tonight.  The meal itself was nice enough, and I think we all enjoyed it, but, after we had finished eating and were paying the check, there was a loud crash outside.  Everyone in the restaurant jumped up and saw a car flipped over in the intersection, with another that had been hit spinning a few yards away.  We all ran out and called 911.  It seemed as if everyone was alright for the most part.  The car that flipped only had the driver, I think, and he was pulled out and seemed fine walking afterwards, and the two occupants of the other car both seemed to be standing as well, though the woman who had been driving was shrieking and hysterical, as one might well expect after something of this sort.  Emergency services showed up quite fast, and the people involved seemed to be okay, though, of course, one cannot always tell from looking.  I am sure that they got checked out afterwards...

After, I Heard Her Laughing and she said "that was funny" but I have no idea what it was she thought was funny, and there had just been a disaster, people were screaming and in pain, a car was upside down.  We had heard it, had walked outside to witness the aftermath, and I do not know what was funny to her, I do not know at all what it was she found funny. I do not understand how it was she found anything funny. I do not think anyone died outside.  I do not think so, but I am not certain.  What could it have been that was funny?

I'm beginning to crack a central issue I've been having with the essay that I am working on, or at least am moving towards having a real idea of how to break it down, I think.  It is one particularly thorny topic that is also central, but which is difficult to discuss without it coming out wrong.  To explain, it has to do with the way that two different marginalized identities were conflated to degrade both, and explaining that without seeming to be demeaning to either side is a bit tricky.  In specific, it has to do with sexualized images in anti-Semitism and how these correlate with moral notions that demonized certain forms of sexual expression, in particular homosexual identities and acts.  There are several pieces that specifically describe the story of a Jewish man crashing a dinner party and "corrupting" those in attendance by engaging both the men and woman in anal sex.  This is a plot that is seen in more than one work, as I understand it, and reflects ...

It Has Not Gone Right Again and I am not handling it well, again, and it is not right: I must not handle it this way, must become resilient, at least to these things, at least in these ways. I do not have other answers or any way to speak of what is and is not so, of what has been done. I want to change things, yes, want to be able to do enough. It is not acceptable to remain this way, to have things as they are.   It cannot be accepted or turned right, cannot be.  To be glad of things as they are would mean I was no longer anyone I want to be. But, that is not all things, not everything. I cannot say that as the only answer, cannot stamp feet down so hard the ground cracks just because another small things is turned wrong. I need to have a balance I do not know, but maybe this is the first step. I hope I can find what is needed, can make things right. It is necessary.  I know it must change. It causes such harm.  I can be so harmful, though it is not meant....

I went out for a late dinner with a good friend tonight.  He left a little while ago and I began to do my writing for the evening.  I am a bit tired and chose to sit outside and write on my phone, rather than go up to my office as I usually would.  It is a quiet and warm evening, and I am enjoying being in the darkness alone.  I am glad to be finishing up, nonetheless, as I am tired and I have to be up pretty early tomorrow in order to get to an appointment.  I suppose I  should just finish this up and get to bed, but it feels rather silly to just write that and then do it.  I suppose that is not silly at all, though, not if I really consider it.