Would That I Might

There are only a few days left for the presale of Blaze without Burning.  If I am honest, the numbers for sales are not what I had hoped they might be.  Of course, there is still a huge amount to do and I am hopeful that things are still percolating.  I know that there is a lot of opportunity as we keep working on events and all of that.  Readings and signings are, I think, a huge opportunity and I am very excited about working towards that.  At the moment, there are a few things cooking, some of which I am very eager to share details about, but I am not certain what has been nailed down yet, and I don't want to jinx anything.

Is that a question you think I should answer? I wonder if it is right for me to do that or if I am  sensing a place I do not wish to go. I am not suggesting it is wrong or a danger or you have intentions, any kind, anything more than curiosity, but some questions want answers that hide  in dark places, or want revelations of information I chose to keep hidden, or to make singular the possibilities I pluralized. It is not  that I won't say, but maybe  I have said all the things that I know.

I am thinking a lot about the idea of creating a full length poetry collection.  I've definitely got enough work for that, and much that I am quite proud of, but the real key, for me, is in discovering a way to bring the poems together so it is a cohesive work.  That is what makes Blaze without Burning into more than just a bunch of poems in the same volume, I think, and I want to be able to continue to do that.  The question is figuring out ways to do it that don't just feel like I am repeating what I have done before, but instead seem like they are building on it.

I want to explain it but first I need to know what it is for myself and I  am still lost discovering what is meant. It is not simple to know. I do these things, get caught in them: my actions happen again. I only notice when it is too late. There is a reason, I am certain, a starting point, a place from which it has grown. I would tell you. I promise I would. It is kept as a secret only because I don't know for myself.

I have not been getting very good sleep lately.  I think it is the Bi-PAP that I use for my sleep apnea, and I spoke to the doctor about getting it checked out, but I don't know what is going on with that, as I haven't heard anything.  I just know that I've been very tired lately and would like if I could get a bit more rest out of my efforts at sleeping.

There is some solace in knowing it has been this way before.  It happens. It is not pleasant, but it is the way things have been and, I expect, will be, and are, that is more certain. It will not make it better or easier or faster, but it is good to keep in mind that this is not uncommon, and always, eventually, it ends.

Melissa and I went to dinner with my mother at a restaurant that just recently opened.  I am not certain she enjoyed it quite as much as I had hoped.  She implied that it was mostly just a bit too loud for her, though I think that was largely in her mind, as many other restaurants I know she enjoys are just as boisterous.  Really, I think it was the general vibe of the place, but I am not really certain about it.  I am fairly certain she enjoyed most of what she ate, so that is at least good.