Poem: I want to explain it

I want to explain it

but first
I need to know
what it is
for myself
and I 
am still
lost
discovering
what is meant.
It is not
simple to know.
I do these things,
get caught
in them:
my actions
happen
again.
I only
notice
when it is
too late.
There is
a reason,
I am certain,
a starting
point, a place
from which
it has grown.
I would tell you.
I promise
I would.
It is kept
as a secret
only because
I don't know
for myself.

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