Poem: I could be clear

I could be clear

but I don't trust that,
don't trust enough
that it will be good
to be understood that way,
that much.  I know:
I should be ready and willing.
There are times and places,
and I am, I do my best to be.
I think I can tell it, one day,
and will.  Today is too soon for me.
I don't want to keep it inside
but I have so much fear.
There is judgement, maybe,
and what else comes after judgement,
and I don't think it is good.
How strange, it is not anything terrible,
not really.  It is nothing I did
or a harm I am involved with.
It is only a desire, a goal,
it is nothing terrible, is it?
I don't know.  I worry
that I am right, that my fear
is appropriate.  Maybe
there is no other way?
I do not want to be clear,
as I said, but I wish so much
I felt that I could be.
I wonder what that would change.

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