Poem: I wanted to learn those things

I wanted to learn those things

Maybe I could have
or still could, if I made the effort
but I have only thought about it,
have not done more
than the most casual consideration,
but the desire sits there,
does not fade or vanish.
Still, I do not act, I do nothing
but think about it more,
wonder about what it would be,
what it would mean,
what I could do
with that knowledge,
which I cannot know
in any real sense
until I learn
and know
what is possible
and have a capability
of my own.
Maybe it is 
just a thing
I wish to dream about?
I do not think so.
I think it is something else.
I am inclined to call it fear
but why would I be afraid?
Maybe, I think
it will not go well,
that I will fail
to understand
what is required.
I can imagine that
as a reason,
but I wish
there were another
that felt plausible.

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