A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-Six-Hundred-And-Thirty-Seven

I have been feeling a lot of dread recently and I think some of it is a protective response coming up because I am afraid.  I've been working towards some new efforts that might be positive but which involve opening up to doing things in different ways.  I do wonder if part of my fear is not also just about the possibility of succeeding.  I am certain a part of me is worried that, if things began to go well, it would not be real, or it would only be the lead in to a crushing defeat of some sort.  I am a bit pessimistic, I suppose, or my unconscious is.  To be fair, it is what I have learned from experiences, though I can't pretend that is not something I am a factor in.  I mean, it is possible to look at many things in my life in other ways, I am certain, and if I were another person I very well might, but I am not that person and the experiences I've had have helped to teach me the things that have shaped how I interpret and understand those experiences.  In any event, I am aware of this fear and I am hoping it is only a temporary thing, and that I will find it was irrational anyhow.  I am glad to still be proceeding with things, even if I am a bit anxious about it all.

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