Poem: Outcome

Outcome

I do not know at all
if any of this
is helping
or if it is only
a distraction,
and I want to think
it is good,
I do want to believe
it is not a waste,
is real, has substance.
I want to know
it is leading forward
and making progress
towards those goals
which already existed.
It was all discussed
in those terms
and even so
I am not sure
what is happening
or if it connects.
I do not know
what I should do
or how to explain
the problem.
I want to see
that it is doing
what is needed
but the only way
is through an outcome,
is through evidence
in the results.
I am sure 
I will be told
it is not reasonable
to expect that,
but if it cannot be had,
what is there
to show?
I need to be shown
something more
than these things,
need to know
it has been worthwhile
in those terms.
It is not a small thing.
I have given over
what was needed
and only wish to know
it was truly for
what I was promised.

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