Poem: It Is All Haphazard, Really

It Is All Haphazard, Really 

and I don't understand
how to order it or
what is best
or even how it works
in a deeper sense.
It is all just doing,
not thought or preparation.
I don't have that part down,
and haven't tried to learn.
I just keep going
and trying to imagine
it is what should be done.
I do not know though.
Maybe, if I knew
I would do better,
or maybe
I would do less and worse.
I can't say at all
what good is where.
It has been this way so long,
and maybe this way is enough,
given all the time, given more
and more of it.  I do not know.
It doesn't seem a good bet, though.
I would like a bit more than that,
but I also do not know
how to change it
or do it right,
whatever that might mean
according to whoever it is
can be called the expert.

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