A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Four

I am starting to feel a bit of agitation over not smoking, but I made it another day, and I think it will be alright, I just realized, at a certain point earlier today, that I was getting upset and being irrational, and I needed to take a step back.  When I did, I realized that it was probably the nicotine craving.  I hadn't really thought about it or even noticed the feeling at the time, but when I stepped away, it was clear to me.  Realizing it helps to deescalate, but it is not always possible to be that self-aware in the moment.  Still, I am quite glad I reached that point in the end and was able to observe my behavior and recognize what was happening.  I know that, at some point, it is going to become easier, but right now it is still a moment to moment choice, and I still feel confident about making it through this period.  I do worry that it is difficult, that it is a continuous want, but when I think of the fact that the same sensation will exist if I give in, it will just become a kind of demand to which I am acquiescing, I recognize that the real triumph must come from outlasting that desire without serving it.  I know that will come, I just have to remain dedicated.

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