A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-One

Today was the day that I promised my doctor I would quit cigarettes, and I feel that I have done quite well.  I made it all day without one.  Each time I began to feel the craving, I just considered it and thought about the reality that, having a cigarette won't make a real difference.  I know that I can smoke a cigarette and still feel that same want return only a short while later, and I realized if the want for a smoke can be ignored for a few minutes it just fades away for a bit.  It will return, but as I said, that is bound to happen even if I give in to temptation.  I feel that I have made a big shift with it, and I am not all that afraid, right now, of sliding back.  I am certain I will have small slip ups, but I know that I have a different attitude about it than I'd had in the past.  In truth, though I wasn't necessarily doing a lot to actively change my habits before this, I was paying attention to them, understanding the way that my desire for a cigarette works and what sensations I am craving.  It became clear, at a certain point, that smoking a cigarette really isn't all that enjoyable, to be honest, if I really pay attention to what it feels like, not just to the relief of the nicotine craving.  Even if I slip up, I think it will be an opportunity to notice what I really am getting rid of.

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