A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-Two-Hundred-And-Thirteen

For the first time in a long while I was able to spend a bit of time alone with my mother and actually felt I was able to talk with her about certain things.  It has been very strained between her and I, and that has been true for some time, but today felt positive.  I vented about a number of things that are going on, and it was the first time that I didn't feel as if she just hand waved it away or became immediately hostile.  I don't know what it means, to be honest, but it is the first time I have any sense that she is open to change in a real sense.  Some of it was very particular, to be honest, and I don't know that I could explain it without going it far too much detail. but she she surprised me by stating a desire to prioritize me over some of her friends who, in the past, she always seemed to give preference.  It was more a sense that she was affirming certain aspects of our familial bond that have felt absent to me.  What prompted this?  I am not at all that certain, but I do wonder, and I worry that I am being suspicious.  While it would be nice to believe that it was entirely spontaneous, I do wonder if she talked to my brother and he said something.  If that did happen, does it really matter?  I am not certain,   I know that I felt like I was free to open up, and that feels very significant.  I am trying to stay optimistic and not overthink it.  I have to hope that it is a sign things could, possibly. improve.  I know it won't fix things, of course, but it would be a start.

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