A Writer's Notebook, Day One-Thousand-And-Seventy-One

I have had a long day, but I managed to get work done somewhat earlier tonight than has been typical in the recent past.  I am quite tired, though, and the feeling of not being able to sleep properly is very draining.  My most recent sleep study, just a few weeks ago, demonstrated that I need a different type of equipment to treat my sleep apnea, and I am waiting to hear back about what insurance says.  It is quite apparent I need the machine, as my previous study showed I was still waking up roughly once every two minutes, I believe, and this was with the treatment I am receiving right now.  I never get very deep sleep, and when I do drift off, my body has to fight to wake up so I can breath again.  It terrifies me, to be honest, that I might not wake up one time and just drop dead of a heart attack, as does happen to people with these conditions.  Even more, assuming the best, I am still exhausted, even after I sleep a full night, because it is not real sleep, only resembles it in a superficial sense.  Imagine only sleeping for two minutes at a time, and waking just enough to breath and fall back to sleep.  You never get any real, deep rest, in fact, it is a lot of stress on the body.  I wake up early most mornings, not because I am rested, but because being asleep longer may only wear me out even more.

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