A Writer's Notebook, Day Nine-Hundred-And-Sixty-Four

I received my 150th and 151st rejections in a row today.  It is never fun, and I am rather down about it.  I want to be hopeful, to believe that things will change, I need some evidence of that.  I was told when I started receiving rejections, get a hundred and you are sure to get some acceptances, but I am their and half again with nothing to show for it, and I still here the same things from everyone.  It is not the same situation for me as it was when I started.  It is at a point where I cannot reasonably believe that it is random.  I've gotten many positive and encouraging comments along the way, but it has meant nothing in terms of the actual trend, and I don't know how to keep going.  That stopping would be the same as deciding to just die is the only reason I keep on with it, if I am honest, but I need a way to feel real progress in terms of my actual career that I cannot find without some degree of actual success.  If I can't find it, the only other option that feels reasonable to me is to never have become a writer in the first place, but that is, of course, not an option at this point, and so I can't choose that, so the only thing left is to find a way past this.

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