A Writer's Notebook, Day Nine-Hundred-And-Seventy-Six

For some time I have worried about book signings.  I know, it is quite premature, considering I've not been able to get even a poem published since 2019 and do not have any reason to anticipate, at this moment, a book of my work will be forthcoming anytime soon.  Still, it is a matter that worries me.  I recognize the significance of an author signing their books, how that interaction and the physical record of it in the form of an inscription is a powerful aspect with a literary tradition.  I am a collector of signed books and cherish my own experiences meeting the poets and writers who's work I care about.  All of this is important to me.  I want to take part in this ritual from the opposite end, one day.  

The problem is, however, as a person with the issues I have, the act of signing books for a prolonged time would be physical and mental torture.  Dysgraphia, the specific condition that impacts this, is a cognitively based disability that specifically impacts handwriting.  Those of us who suffer from it have a great deal of difficulty with the actions required to hold a pen and write with it.  These difficulties include physical pain resulting from the deep strain that is required for writing.  I often feel my hand physically cramp when I have to write more than a few words.  Many times people have disparaged my handwriting as it does resemble that of a very young child, but they do not realize that, for me, writing legibly would be a meaningless change if I still had the same experience when writing.

The conflict is quite apparent.  I want to be able to do a thing that is considered a typical part of being a writer, and I long to do so in a way that is authentic for readers, but I have a disability that makes it an extreme burden.  I've been thinking that the answer lies in creating some alternative to my signing directly.  I am not entirely certain what that alternative would be, but I know it needs to be something that is considered an authentic gesture from me, not a careless dismissal, and I also recognize that I want it to be something I am always ready to provide, just in case their is an unexpected opportunity to sign.  To me, the bigger issues are how to make it authentic for the reader, how to demonstrate that it is as genuine a gesture as any other inscription.  I have thoughts on how that may be possible, but I need to take some time to think it through.

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