Poem: Toxic Impulses

Toxic Impulses

One of the things
I am most angry about,
she tells me this morning
when speaking of my mother,
is the way it feels
as if they are taking you,
as if each day
you die a little
because of how
they have been,
have treated you,
and I only wish
I did not show it,
even if it must be this way,
I wish I could be better
at being hurt,
and yet I know 
that is not the way I should be,
that it is better
I am open, am able to hurt
without hiding it away.
But I do not want her
to be in that pain,
and I do not want her
to see what my family have done,
to resent them for it.
I still protect them,
even when I am betrayed,
I still protect them.

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